©2002-2017 Roedy Green of Canadian Mind Products
My seventeen reasons not to enlist has been very popular with American
soldiers in Iraq. They write
about that essay more than anything else on the website. So I figured it is only fair to
give the opposite side of the coin, nine reasons to enlist.
You get to loot, kill, rape, torture children, adults, grandparents,
animals — your pleasure with almost no chance you will spend time in jail for
it. Unlike civilian serial killers, you might even get a medal for your exploits and
you can brag about them freely to anyone with the stomach to listen. Of course, if
you partake in the Iraq war, you automatically become an international war criminal,
but at least for the time being, the USA is successfully blocking the court at the
Hague from prosecuting American war criminals. Unfortunately, as the USA loses its #1
superpower status, it may no longer have the will protect you. Because there is no
statute of limitations for war crimes, you will need shielding until you die a
natural death. According to NPR (National Public Radio), only 15% of sex crimes in the military are reported. That’s great if
you are a predator, not so great if you are a victim.
If you can’t get a job, there is always the army. If you are
short of cash, the first thing that comes to mind to any red blooded American boy is
to kill someone to improve the situation. It never occurs to him that stealing from
someone is a lesser imposition that killing them. It also never occurs there is far
more shame in butchering a child, for any reason, than pushing a broom.
If you can’t any respect, a uniform may help. Ignorant people
might confuse you with a WWII (World War II) vet who actually risked his life to protect his
country. Many people will unthinkingly give respect to anyone in uniform, even if the
joined out of purely selfish sadistic motives.
You hate freedom. You consider yourself such a dufus that you
think somebody else can run your life for you better than you can. You want to be
told what to do in minute detail.
The thought of fit, sweaty young men couped up in a tent
without a fresh change of underwear gives you an erection. Maybe without competition
from women, you might just get lucky. At least you can hear and watch them whacking
off in their bunks at night.
The free hat
GoArmy.com offers various recruiting
incentives including a free hat and video games.
Some of you have invested heavily in ExxonMobil, Halliburton,
Monsanto, Titan, CSC, Kellogg Brown & Root, Bechtel, the Carlyle Group,
ChevronTexaco, Unocal etc. The more the war flares, the more money you make. You want
to go to Iraq personally to see what you can do to keep the war rolling. You want to
do everything you can to inspire revenge against the USA with the most evil deeds you
or anyone else can possibly conceive. If you succeed, the war will never end.
Travel to Iraq, the modern day name for Mesopotamia, the birthplace of
human civilisation. Let your inner vandal out. Destroy precious artifacts thousands
of years old. Think what fun target practice would be on stonework that Alexander the
Great walked on. Previously you may have thought only the Taliban could get away with
mass scale vandalism.
The USA has spent $300 billion on
the Iraq war and there are no accountants keeping track. This means huge
opportunities for corruption if you keep your eyes open.
If you survive your 2+ tours in Iraq, you might negotiate a
You are dumb as an ox, flunked out of grade 3 and live in a trailer
park. All your friends support the USA in the war, in the same rah rah way they
support the local football team. You have absolutely no idea why the USA is now
killing ragheads instead of gooks, but you don’t care. Huntin’ raghead
kids should be just as fun as yer daddy had wastin’ gook kids and spraying them
with napalm and agent orange. You sign up because that’s what your kind of
Psychopaths who join the military most commonly use the excuse of
fitness. I suppose this is an advantage, but it is obviously not the main attraction.
There are so many ways to get fit that don’t require tortmenting others.
Extremely naïve people believe the recruiter promises of training, a
college education etc. It never occurs to them to check with people who signed up if
this alleged training actually helped them get a job.
There are not many jobs using automatic weapons, beating up old ladies or torturing
children, unless you want to work for criminal gangs. On the downside, brain damage
or a missing limb is one heck of an impediment to getting a decent job.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world i.e. a job and lose his own soul?
~ Mark 8:36
Another excuse young psychopaths use for joining the military is
they figured they needed the discipline. They needed someone else to tell them what
to do, since their own sense of right and wrong was defective. This is jumping from
the frying pan into the fire. It like joining a satanic cult to learn chastity. If
you want to submit to the authority of another, enter a monastery, Christian or
Buddhist. At least you won’t kill anyone.