choice : Gay & Black Glossary


Is homosexuality a choice? Whether one decides to affect camp behaviour is clearly a choice. Choosing to have sex with any given person is clearly a choice. This may be the root of the myth that homosexuality (your sexual preference) itself is a choice. You decide whether to act on your attractions, but you don’t decide your attractions. Homosexuals can no more choose to be straight than straights can choose to be gay. Religious con men claim otherwise. Imagine it were possible to easily change your gender or sexual preference. Why would you want to mess with something so fundamental to your identity?

Sex vs Sexual Preference

You may have known numerous people in your life that have had gay sex one or more times. These people apparently acted out of free choice. These sort of people are probably motivated by curiosity, adventure, horniness… They were not driven by attraction to their partners. It is possible for some straight guys to have gay sex heterosexual sex is not available and for some gays, the opposite is true. But that has nothing to do with changing sexual preference. Having gay sex merely requires closing the eyes, focusing on sensation and fantasising and enjoying the blow job. It says almost nothing about sexual preference. Sexual preference is about whom you find good looking, whom you stare at, who makes your heart flutter when they come near, whom you wish you could kiss, whom you wish you might share your life with…

Choosing Celibacy vs Choosing Sexual Preference

Obviously you can choose whether to have sex or not. It is extremely difficult to be celibate when you are in your teens or twenties, but it is possible to white knuckle it, but you can’t through an act of will, change what turns you on.

Let’s for argument’s sake presume you are a straight male for whom red-haired tall willowy women turn your crank. (If you are not, make the appropriate adjustments to my following argument). There is no pill you can take, or no mental discipline that will enable you to change so that you no longer find such women appealing and instead find squat, hairy, dark haired ones the epitome of attractiveness. You can’t, even in imagination, decide to find males more attractive than your willowy red-head. If even you can’t change your sexual preference this small amount, why do you imagine that gays can do the reverse, an even bigger change? Your heterosexuality was clearly never a choice for you. You did not wake up one day and I say, I think I will be straight. You just noticed stirrings in your chest and attractions to the opposite sex that made you blush and stammer. The same thing happens to gay people.

The Challenge

I often challenge heterosexual people with the view that sexual preference is a choice to perform an altruistic act. Change to gay, then change back, and write a book about how you did it. You don’t even have to have sex, just change your preference. If it is a choice, you should have no trouble. They typically respond, But I could never do that. Being gay is disgusting. I respond, On my side, the idea of lusting after pussy is even more revolting! You are just as constrained as I am and for the same reason. The logical error they make is presuming that gays feel the same way about heterosexual sex as they do. They flatly refuse to believe that to gays hetero sex might smell worse than vomit, feel utterly revolting (like masturbating with raw bloody liver), be immoral (because of risk of pregnancy in an overpopulation world), be gross (like having sex with dogs), or boring (like having a warm bath).
Most people can’t understand how others can blow their noses differently than they do.
~ Ivan Turgenev (1818-11-09 1883-09-03 age:64)
Straight people trying to understand gays mistakenly imagine, that gays experience the situation the same way they would, e.g. “Why would I tell people I was gay and have revolting gay sex and refuse to have sex with the people who really turn me on? Well maybe I want to piss my parents off, by getting three rings through my nose, so that mucus continually drips and a giant ugly tattoo. Maybe it is because I am utterly pissed off with the universe.”

Such motives would apply to them if they attempted to deny their sexual preference, something they often demand gays do and pretend to be gay. To a gay person, heterosexual attraction might seem crude like mountain sheep rutting. It is clearly very closely associated with mammalian reproduction (childbirth, nursing the way cows do). In contrast, gay attraction feels natural, clear, pure, unsullied by reproductive lust, right, logical, egalitarian. Being gay is being yourself. Being gay is telling the truth about whom you really are and whom you really love. Oddly, straights keep pushing us gays to lie and live a life of misery to live up their illogical, superstitious, bovine expectations.

Straights because they are the majority, refuse to believe that anyone else experiences life in a different way than they do. It is as naïve as imagining every creature experiences the world the same way an adult white male human does. Straight males seem comfortable with the idea that women have different sexual preferences than they do, but they are stuck on the notion that all other males must at heart be identical to them. They refuse to believe we gays are serious. Perhaps if we gays had some distinguishing physical feature, like square pupils, they would accept that we are different from them.

I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.
~ Fritz Perls (1893-07-08 1970-03-14 age:76)
I have to suppress my revulsion for all the blatant heterosexuality going on all around me. Straights do not think it weird that women have no sexual attraction for women. Why are they so skeptical about gays? Even though I intellectually understand, I still find it emotionally completely baffling when a great hunk of a guy is attracted to some airhead female tarted up in layers of makeup. He has nothing in common. What on earth would they talk about? I feel extreme contempt for such females. It feels as if he has to be faking his attraction, like watching movie actors perform.

Desire to Change

Many gays, especially when they are young, would give their eye teeth to change their preference. They are sick of the abuse they have to put up with. They have been tormented by Christians to the brink of suicide. Most gays at some point at least toy with the idea of suicide to escape their preference. If there were some way to change preference, don’t you think 90% of young gays would take it. No matter how painful, it would surely to preferable to suicide.

Phony Cures

Christian predators who pretend they have a cure but when you dig into it, they are outrageous liars and charlatans, much like the sadistic priests who treated nuns with wasp stings in The Devils Of Loudun. I read four books on these religious conversions that the evangelist Dr. Terry Winter gave me. What they call a cure amounts to white knuckling, marrying and then backsliding, putting the wife through hell. The attraction to the same sex does not diminish. All that diminishes is the frequency of sex with people of the same gender. The attraction looms even larger from the repression. You end up with two ruined lives from his hubris. There are groups that bleed naïve gays of their saving in promise of a cure

It bears repeating, you can’t cure homosexuality because it is not a disease. Further, nobody has discovered a way to change sexual preference.

Hard Wired

Dr. John Money did studies on sexual preference and discovered humans get hard wired in before you are even two years old. This hard-wiring is extremely stable.

Tormenting people to induce them to change their sexual preference is a misguided as demanding they grow an extra arm.


Religious arguments rarely make any sense logically. Sometimes Christians will say, God made me straight, thus he must have made you straight too. Why are you turning away from your essential nature? If there is a God, he did not make me straight. He made me gay. I have been gay ever since I was a toddler. I have always had crushes on males. Even as a preschooler, I had no interest in sex play with girls, just boys. That is my essential nature. If this postulated God could create females who are attracted to males, who’s to say he is incapable of making a few males who are too?

The Parable of the Arrogant Christian

There was once a very rich Christian who bought an entire island and set himself up as king. Tourists came to look at gardens and natural wonders of the island. He convinced Baskin and Robbins to set up an ice cream franchise outlet on the condition they served only one flavour, Maraschino Cherry Custard, his favourite flavour. He arranged various punishments such as stocks, burning alive and stoning to death for people caught on the island sampling any other flavour. He explained that according to the bible (Luke 11:12 ), Maraschino Cherry Custard was the one true flavour of ice cream, and eating any other was an insult to God. The king was horrified to find that many people so detested Maraschino Cherry Custard, that they avoided eating ice cream altogether. In the king’s view, clearly preference in ice cream flavours was a choice and so he had the heretics tortured to convince them to not only eat Maraschino Cherry Custard ice cream but to like it.
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.
~ Alfred Kinsey (1894-06-23 1956-08-25 age:62)


Bigots like to claim being gay is a choice, that it is like having a ring installed in your nose. This helps them justify persecuting gays. You will notice the people who make this claim also assert they have are not gay themselves and that they refuse to socialise with gays. So how would they know? Ask any gay person, who obviously knows first hand and they will tell you there is no possible way they could just choose a different sexual preference. Here are some arguments you can use to counter the bigots: Is Homosexuality a Choice click to watch

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