The Resume of George W. Bush

RESUME for the Office of President of the United States

Education and Experience

Law Enforcement

• I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver’s license suspended for 30 days.
• My Texas driving record has been lost and is not available.

Military

• I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL (Away Without Leave). I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Viet Nam.

College

• I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
• I was given a Masters of Business Administration degree at Harvard.

Past Work Experience

• I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, in 1975.
• I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. The bin Laden family gave me money to try again, and I bankrupted that company too.
• I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
• With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO (Chief Executive Officer) Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

Accomplishments as Governor of Texas

• I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
• I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
• I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.

Accomplishments as President

• I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
• I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
• I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
• I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
• I achieved negative job growth for the first time in over a century. I did this partly with my agressive job exporting/outsourcing program.
• I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
• I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
• I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
• I’m proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My poorest millionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
• I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.
• I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
• My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
• My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
• I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
• I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
• I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
• I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
• I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
• I’ve broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
• I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
• I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
• I refused to allow inspector’s access to U.S. prisoners of war detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
• I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
• I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
• I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
• I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
• I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
• I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families — in wartime.
• I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
• I am supporting development of a nuclear Tactical Bunker Buster, a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction).
• I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

Records and References

• All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father’s library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
• All records of SECC (Single Edge Contact Cartridge) investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
• All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

Links

• The Iraq War.
• George W. Bush and 9/11
• The Asbestos Connection: Carnahan, Wellstone, Leahy
• How Bush Stole the Election
• Bushisms: Quotations from George W. Bush, mostly idiotic.
• Books about George W. Bush This includes his kinky sexual history, his cocaine abuse, his father’s pedophilia, his election fraud, 9-11, the Iraq war and many other books on similar topics.

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