Rubbing someone’s body with your hands, using oil or baby powder as a
lubricant. It is the ultimate seduction technique.
Please Don’t Call
I no longer do massages. My partner does not like me
bringing strangers into our home. However, there is no reason you can’t.
The Secret of My Success
I’m 57 years old,
slightly overweight with average looks. Click to see pictures of me. I find it very
embarrassing to phone people. Yet, I have had a date booked every night, two to three
weeks in advance. The guys were mostly in their 20s and
30s. Guys much handsomer than me literally begged to come
back. How could this be?
No, I did not go to Thailand. I did this when I was living in New Westminster
Canada. No, I was not handing out $1000 bills. You too
can do what I did for under $50 total and should reap
So instead of playing Ain’t It Awful with your friends about how
younger gays won’t give you the time of day, try this out…
Composing Your Ad
Start by placing a classified ad in your local gay newspaper, (Xtra West here in Vancouver), similar
to this one: You can use abbreviations, such as HIV+ (Human Immuno-deficiency Virus Positive (infected))
or GWM (Gay White Male),
but make sure you know what they mean and that they are used consistently in other
The keys to the ad are:
Close your eyes. Feeling strong hands moving over your body, anywhere you want.
I’m a 6’ 3”, 209 pounds, brown, blue, versatile,
, 54 GWM
I like massaging guys under 42 without thick body hair. u Sexual or non-sexual.
Safe-sex only. No charge. Pictures at:
Call Roedy at (250) 361-9093.
- The opening line captures poetically what the experience will be like.
- Mention bodysage, backrub or bodyrub as the main component. No matter how
sexually incompatible you turn out to be, the respondent can still enjoy a massage.
Sex is more problematic. In printed advertisements, you can’t use the word
massage as this is a sort of trademark of the Registered Massage
Therapists. They have trained for at least two years in the medical use of
- Mention no charge or people will presume you are a
prostitute. Avoid the word free It implies must be some
catch, that perhaps you are going to try to sell them something, or charge them for
- Be specific about your age, height and weight. If you say late forties readers will assume you are ashamed of the way you
look. If you withhold information, people will assume the worst. Even if you state
your weight is 231, they will still fantasise it is
231 pounds of solid muscle.
- Telling your HIV+ status up front will
help scare off ignorant people who would treat you like a leper or even turn
violent when they learn your status. These people have unprotected anal sex
naïvely trusting others to warn them that they are
HIV (Human Immuno-deficiency Virus) +. Yet they shrink in terror at being kissed or
touched by someone who openly acknowledges they are HIV+.
They gag on gnats and swallow camels. Unfortunately, revealing your
status will drastically cut down your response. HIV+
conjures up an image of someone wasting away near
death, so you need to counter that impression.
guys refuse to have sex with HIV- (Human Immuno-deficiency Virus Negative (virus free))
or unknown status strangers because they don’t want to deal with their
paranoia. You would think Safe sex
would be presumed unless you stated otherwise, but could say something like
safe sex only to re-emphasise it. If you state that
you are HIV-,
the presumption is you want only other nominally HIV-
guys. If that is not the case, you would have to
- Avoid opinion words like attractive. State
verifiable facts like "work out at gym six times a week, clean shaven or hairy body"
- Mention something about your preferences, but don’t be too narrow. If you
reveal no preferences, potential respondents will be afraid that you will reject
them. If you specify too many, guys who fail just one of the criteria will
unnecessarily disqualify themselves. Had I said, Blacks
especially welcome a very large number of Asian and white guys would
unnecesarily disqualify themselves. Further, many blacks would feel offended I was
turned on by race. Better to say, All races welcome. Use objective
criteria. If you ask for good looking guys, the cutest
ones will reject themselves and the ugly ones will show up and declare themselves
super-cuties. If you ask for guys under 42, nobody has any problem deciding if they
qualify. For age restrictions, picking a number not divisible by ten signals you
don’t take the limit too seriously.
- Saying sexual or non-sexual tends to attract a better class of caller. You want
to discourage the phone sex types or the ones looking for a quick blow job. It also
makes cute guys feel more comfortable. They don’t feel as pressured.
- The Internet
reference lets you offer a picture and go on at great length about
yourself and your preferences. You can provide a map and directions on how to get to your place. The
Internet URL will cut
down on the number of people who show up, since some won’t like your picture.
Better to be rejected that way than to give a massage to someone who is not 100%
eager. It is a bit silly of guests to be so fanatically concerned with your
appearance when they enjoy the massage with their eyes closed the whole time, but
that is the way people are. The quality of the people that do show up
after seeing your Internet site is higher. They know in great detail what to expect
which makes them comfortable. You too can feel comfortable because you know that
they must find your appearance acceptable or they would not have shown up.
- Give your phone number. If guys have to jump through hoops to contact you, they
won’t bother. Be aware you will get calls at all hours of the day and night.
On the other hand, once you start getting overwhelmed with calls, you can leave out
your phone number and use a website or email address or box number instead. It is a
matter of balancing quantity with quality.
Handling Phone Calls
Callers partially pre-screen themselves. Guaranteed, you
are their basic type. However, they are not necessarily yours.
On the phone, it is best to be friendly, something like a doctor’s
receptionist. Make an appointment. Avoid grilling the guy about his
appearance so that he feels he could not possibly measure up to your expectations. It
is best to just ask an open-ended question like, Tell me about
yourself, "What do you look like? or How well
did you fit the list of preferences in my ad?"
Make no specific promises of sex. The massage is guaranteed, but sex will require
both of you to be turned on to the other. Point out that no matter what, he will
still leave your place feeling great. He will win either way.
My mother’s advice is Never say yes. Never say no.
Always say maybe, even if you are sure the guy will make you cream your jeans.
Overpromising can be extremely embarrassing.
Ask him to avoid eating a heavy meal just before, to shower first and optionally
to bring some music.
Even though the people who don’t show up have never even seen
me, I still have trouble taking it philosophically. It feels like a personal
rejection, much the same as if they had shown up at the door, taken one look at me
and ran. No-shows are a fact of life. You have to get used to them. In 2000-09, I got 6 no-shows in a row. I wanted to strangle every male on
the planet. If a guy does not show, it says more about him than you. You are lucky
you did not waste time on such a guy. If you let it get to you, your tone of voice
will scare off other guys who would otherwise have shown up.
Here are the clues a guy will not show up for his appointment.
What can you do to reduce no-shows?
- He volunteers his penis size, usually 17.78 cm (7 in)
- He asks your penis size.
- He asks for a special appointment time not convenient for you. About
90% of such people won’t show up, even ones that
sound very friendly.
- He won’t give you his phone number in case you have to reschedule.
- You have to coax him in the tiniest bit to make an appointment.
- He talks dirty.
- If he cancels an appointment at the last minute, he will not show for the next
- He demands to come over right away.
- He refuses to make an appointment more than two days in advance and keeps
calling back expecting you to have an immediate opening.
- He demands a guarantee you will have sex with him.
- He asks detailed questions about your anatomy.
- He is petulant when you have to schedule him 7+ days into the future.
- He complains you live too far away. He asks you to pack all your stuff up
including the table and drag it over to his place. Portable massage
tables are not portable in the sense laptops are. They are portable in the
sense dishwashers are, not screwed to the floor. You would need a car since you
have so much other stuff besides the table to carry.
- He insists you do the massage on bed or on the floor, rather than a table, even
when you explain that is hard on your back.
- He sounds skeptical when you tell him that based on what he has told you that
you would probably like him and would enjoy massaging him. He is afraid you will
reject him when he shows up.
- The guy goes on and on about how his muscles ache and how badly he needs a
massage and how much he wants a massage. If you weren’t such a heartless
brute you would immediately rent a truck and bring your table over to minister to
him, after all you owe him a massage don’t you?
- The guy sounds extremely turned on. You are exactly the kind of guy he is
after. He can barely wait to meet you. He would walk over miles of broken glass to
meet you. He protests there is absolutely utterly no possible way he would not show
up. etc. etc. These guys never show up. They jerk off and instantly lose all
No matter how careful you are, you will still get some no shows. Just take the
night off and enjoy some other activity. I tell myself when a guy does not show up,
"I’m glad I did not spend three hours on an undeserving guy like that. He
conveniently filtered himself out of my existence."
- The further into the future you book an appointment, the lower the chance the
guy will show up. You can simply refuse to book more than a few days into the
future. The problem then is guys will think you are giving them the brushoff when
you have to tell them to call back later. Tell them right up front the problem,
then they will be less likely to take it personally.
- Avoid inviting them in the first place. You are not obligated to invite
everyone who calls over, even if they do meet the basic criteria of your ad. If
they give any of the above clues they will be a no-show, don’t invite
- The less sexual the tone of your ad and the less sexual the way
you talk, the better your odds of the guy showing up. The key is
to keep everything low key so the guy does not think it is a big deal and get cold
- Ask each guy for his phone number and a time he would like a reminder call. If
he won’t give you that, don’t book an appointment.
- Ask guys to make a confirmation call. If you don’t get the call, you know
you will have a no-show. It does not reduce the number of no-shows, but it gives
you more warning so you don’t waste time waiting around for them.
- Maintain a list of guys who might be able to show up on short notice. When you
have a no-show, you can often quickly find a happy replacement.
By the time people arrive at the door, they are pretty committed to getting a
massage. In the hundreds of massages I have given, only three people who came over
declined to be massaged. One left, presumably because my appearance failed to meet
his fantasies, one ran in terror when the topic of HIV
came up and the third, Bernard, became my lover.
When I lived on Burrard Street, in the gay ghetto of the West End, nearly everyone
who called made an appointment. When I lived in New Westminster (a 1.5 hour
Skytrain-bus trip from downtown), about 28% of people
didn’t make an appointment, complaining either that they need to come over
right now or that they didn’t want to come all the way out to
New Westminster. When I lived on Burrard Street, nearly everyone showed up for their
appointment. In New West, I had a 35% no-show rate.
- My best explanation is that people don’t really want to come all the way
out to New Westminster, but they make an appointment anyway. When they later
reconsider, why don’t they call and give some phony excuse and free up the
slot for someone else? It would be embarrassing for them to reneg. By simply not
showing up they avoid having to make up some excuse. Perhaps they fear I would
chastise them if they told the truth.
- My second explanation for the difference is that I used to advertise in Angles,
a gay lib paper. It is now defunct. I now advertise in Xtra West a commercial paper. It attracts a
different readership. I am now getting more inexperienced people prone to cold
- I am also four years older. That makes me somewhat less of a sex magnet. People
still want me to massage them, but are less willing to jump through hoops. They
have less compunction about treating me with contempt. Unfortunately, to pretty
young airheads, for every year you age, you gradually lose your status as a human
being in gay society. I’m a bit testy on this an often put brats in their
place when they step too far out of line.
There is always a bit of a shock when two men meet who have
only talked on the phone. Fantasies shatter. To ease the shock, try to arrange to
greet your caller gradually, for example, by walking down a long hall to greet him,
or by leaving your door open then walking slowly toward it when he arrives.
Olfaction plays an important rôle in making people feel comfortable. Get a
large pot of boiling water and add some cloves, cinnamon, vanilla, juniper berries,
coffee grounds, nutmeg and ginger. Allow this to simmer for an half an hour before
your guest arrives. Your apartment will be filled with a warm, homey smell that
spells safety and relaxation.
You have to take the bad with the good. Sometimes the guys look absolutely nothing
like the way they advertised themselves. When this happens, I think to myself,
"This guy was so keen to meet me, that he was willing to lie and risk my anger.
I should cut him some slack.". Sometimes they are obnoxious, drunk, demanding
and have stinky feet. On the other hand, sometimes they are so beautiful and loving
they take your breath away. You will definitely meet boys hundreds of times more
beautiful than you could ever have picked up cruising. Don’t let their beauty
intimidate you. Just like any other not-so-handsome guest, they want you to love them
and pamper them.
In Canada, the customer is king; in Japan, he is God. Use
the Japanese model in treating your guest.
Some guys like to chat between 15 minutes to an hour before settling into the
massage. Others require physical touch before they are relaxed enough to talk.
Repeatedly reassure your guest that the entire point of this exercise is
his comfort and pleasure. He can take off or keep on as much
clothing as he desires. He can have the massage on the bed or the floor, depending on
how much pressure he likes. Usually even the shyest men discard clothing during the
massage and ask for more of their bodies to be worked on.
You will tend to get a disproportionate number of people from other cultures with
quite different ideas of appropriate topics for small talk. Maintain your sense of
humour when one asks how many bowel movements a day you have.
Ask your guest if there are any parts of his body he does not want you to touch,
or parts that are sore, or that need special attention. You should avoid giving
massages to people running a fever or suffering from acute arthritis.
I usually start the massage by busily fussing about getting ready warming the
various oils or melting some grated cocoa-butter in the microwave. I set out candles,
and lower the lighting. This takes the embarrassing focus away from my guest who is
Learning To Massage
There are excellent night school classes to learn
classical relaxation massage. A good way to learn is to receive massages, so you know
what various things feel like. You can learn a fair bit by experimenting on yourself
and from library books or videos.
You might take a course from The Body Electric. They focus more on the
sensual and erotic aspects than your local night school class would.
Massage trades with guys who know more about massage than you can be intimidating,
but you will learn a lot and you receive a great massage yourself. Massage trades
tend to be non-sexual.
Try massaging yourself to learn what various things feel like. When you are
massaging, imagine what your hands would feel like to your guest. Sometimes this
imagination can become so real you would swear you are actually feeling what he is
Don’t worry about perfection. Even an inept massage still feels
Ideally you need a massage table, to spare your back if you do
frequent massages, but that is about an $800 CAD
expenditure for a good one.
I have a Living Earth
Crafts heavy duty Autolock model, pictured above. I am quite happy with it. The
only thing the matter with it is that the wood squeaks when I get vigorous. To avoid
that, I’d have to go to a stationary model.
For other massage paraphernalia such as table covers, face covers, bulk oil,
special detergent etc. you can browse the online catalog at Living Earth Crafts. They don’t have
their complete catalog and price list online, but they will snail mail you a
beautiful catalog. From then on you can order via the Internet, though they
don’t mention that on their website.
You don’t need any of that just to get started.
- Make sure the room is warm 27°C (80°F).
Because giving massage is a form of exercise, a room that feels hot to you may
feel uncomfortably cold to your guest. If you suspect your guest is cool, cover him
with a sheet or towel, stop any drafts and/or turn up the heat.
- If you get a hard on, don’t poke it against your guest unless you are
110% sure he appreciates it.
- Feet tend to get cold, so need frequent work. Large muscles in the shoulders,
lower back, thighs and buttocks usually crave the most attention. Gently massaging
the forearms and calves is surprisingly pleasurable.
- Besides deep pressure, light strokes, cross strokes, figure eights, using your
forearms, fingertips or knuckles, scratching, rubbing, patting, blowing and
tickling are nice for variety.
- I find it helps to pretend this person is going to become my lover.
(Spiritually-minded people might imagine they are massaging an indwelling
omnipresent God.) That helps put me more in tune with the person, makes me more
adventurous and confident and ensures I don’t do the massage in a
perfunctory way. I’m astonished that people never resent the implied
intimacy. Perhaps they are too focused on the pleasant sensations.
- Keep going until all the muscles have turned to jelly. Even the most rock-like
knots will eventually unravel. Count on spending at least one and a half hours and
make sure you have scheduled enough time in case it takes three. The more muscular
the guy, the longer it takes and the more fun the work is since you can feel all
the individual muscles clearly.
Encourage your guest to give
you clear feedback so that you will know if you do something he dislikes or
particularly likes. This cue need only be a low ahh, or a tightening of the
muscles. Your ability to convince him to do this is the #1 determinant of how well
the massage will go. Guests tend to fall at the two extremes. Some are so
unresponsive you might as well be massaging a log. Others direct your every move,
impatient to get on to the next phase of the massage. The ideal guest falls between
those two extremes, giving you hints with low ahh sounds. I prefer my guests to err
on the side of giving me too much feedback.
People vary widely in tastes. Pay attention to your guest’s reactions, not
on what you think should feel good. Ideally the muscle you are working on
should relax and the jaw should relax and you should see a relaxed smile. On the
other hand some people attempt to maintain wooden, stoic expressions no matter how
good they feel, perhaps thinking it unmanly to let you know what pleasures them. Many
guys will make sighing sounds or arch their bodies toward you when you do something
they particularly like.
Some people will feel pain with even the slightest pressure to some unlikely spot
on the body. Trust them when they tell you it hurts. If you do something that hurts
or is ticklish, they will usually twitch or tighten up. Most people will just grin
and bear it when you increase pressure too much or too quickly. Sometimes the most
exquisitely pleasurable probings are simultaneously painful.
When in doubt, ask, but avoid chattering. Sometimes when my intuition fails I just
ask "What part of your body feels like it needs attention now?". People are
usually unnecessarily shy about revealing what pleasures them. To guide them along,
you can ask multiple choice questions.
Music will often inspire you to invent new stimulations. My favourite
tapes are Pachelbel’s Greatest Hits, Atlantis Angelis, Spirit of Love, B-Tribe
and Crash Test Dummies. Try Banyen Sound for a selection of tapes suitable for
massage. There is a lot of bland goo billed as massage music, so listen before you
buy. When guys come back for repeat visits, I experiment more with the music, taking
a chance on something untried. I’ve been using gamelan music, The Mediaeval
Baebes and Glenn Gould playing Bach on the piano. You can change the mood by changing
the volume. The sound of rain works well. One time I used Sanscrit chants and a Hindu
man told me his life had been transformed. Since most
guys won’t bring music, you can show them your collection and let them pick. It
can be quite fun to massage to new music. You can think of it as a form of dance.
To punctuate various phases of the massage, I rub aromatic oils mixed
with carrier oil onto my hands, then apply them directly to some part of my
guest’s body. Body heat causes rapid evaporation creating a burst of fragrance.
Even truck driver types, in the euphoria of massage, ooh and ahh at this. With
child-like wonder they try to guess what the fragrance is. Don’t put the
undiluted fragrances directly on the skin as that can cause irritation. They are a
form of medicine, absorbed through the skin, so you don’t want to O.D. the poor
You can buy these aromatic essential oils at massage, aromatherapy or health food
The fragrances I use are:
Have fun sniffing. Buy ones that smell good, not that have appealing names,
fancy packaging or brand name recognition. Just think to yourself, "Does this
smell like something most guys would enjoy having applied to their bodies?" I
use mostly Aura Cacia brand
fragrances, mainly because they are widely available, come in decent sized bottles
and are not outrageously expensive. Acquiring a collection of fragrances is the most
expensive part of this enterprise. You could make do with just one or none at all.
The Aura Cacia
website gives tips on using the various fragrances if you don’t trust your
own nose. In a pinch, if fragrances are not available in your town, you could buy
some of the ones I recommend over the Internet without smelling them first. If you
buy from American websites, they use an archaic form of volume measure, the fluid
ounce. 1 oz = 30 ml, ½ oz = 15 ml and 1/3 oz = 10 ml. You can’t really tell
without smelling how good a value a particular scent is because some are so much
stronger than others so you need only a fraction of a drop. To preserve freshness,
there is not much point in buying more than 15 ml at a
time. It is best to store them in the fridge.
- citrus: grapefruit, orange, lime, tangerine, lemon grass.
- woodsy: cedar, fir needle.
- aphrodisiac: ylang ylang, lavender, nutmeg, anise (liquorice),
cucumber (for women).
- soreness: energy blend (rosemary, grapefruit, peppermint),
- wakeup: ravensara, clary sage.
When you are using a fragrance and you are unsure if your guy will like it, try
it out first on the feet, far away from his nose. If you get a good reaction, you can
try it out on the body closer to the nose later. I usually start with lime, a safe,
univerally-acceptable, masculine scent. There seem to be two kinds of people, ones
that like nearly all the fragrances and ones that are indifferent to or even
don’t like any of them. So if you get a good reaction with one fragrance, you
can be more bold with others. Conversely, if you get a bad reaction with any
fragrance, back off on the others. Just trust your intuition. Even if you guess
wrongly, at worst, the odour will be mildly irritating and distracting. These
essential oils are not perfumes which can feel, to some, like somebody probing your
nose with an ice pick. Aromatherapy scents are much softer.
Here are my favourite oils:
I would not recommend olive, canola or corn oils. They are too sticky. However,
they are relatively cheap and readily available in any grocery store. Special massage
oils are usually just one of the oils above with a bit of added fragrance and an
outrageous price. Unfortunately, you can’t usually taste or smell the various
oils before purchase.
- hazelnut: delicious Christmasy smell and taste. Best for tongue play.
It is expensive and hard to find.
- cocoa butter: must be grated and melted, chocolately smell, waxy, long
- sesame: very slippery and thick. fairly strong odour. Mix with cocoa
butter to cover the smell.
- grape seed: very light, good for faces.
- apricot kernel: medium, good all round oil.
- almond: long lasting, luxurious feel.
- avocado: light clean feeling.
- soy: generic massage oil, accepts fragrances. Inexpensive.
- baby oil: mineral oil that does not require refrigeration, very light.
Sometimes has a baby powder scent.
- Oasis oil: water dispersible. A mixture of almond, avocado, grapeseed,
safflower, sesame and vitamin E. Easier to wash out of linens. Not a particularly
- hemp oil: a little goes a long way. It lasts as long time without
going sticky. It is also very expensive. It smells a bit like marijuana
You can also use lotions such as Vaseline Intensive Care. People from tropical
countries sometimes prefer oil-free or dry massages. Scented baby powder is nice too,
especially for hairy people. I think the scent reminds guys of the loving care they
received as infants. They go into a smiling trance. Check the Yellow Pages under
Massage for sources of special water-soluble gels and lotions.
Some people like to be almost swimming in oil, others like it almost dry to create
maximum friction with your hands. Generally the hairier your guest is the more oil
you need. I find very hairy guys almost impossible to oil-massage. My fingers get
tangled in their sticky body hair. I find the experience quite gross. Other people
I like to heat the oils with a Salton cup warmer. That is not entirely
satisfactory because the oil drips and cakes onto the hot surface.
I usually wear black because it does not show sweat or oil stains and
because it takes the focus away from my body. Some guys ask me to do the massage
nude. That tends to turn the massage prematurely into a sexual adventure. My guest
becomes too focused on my body instead of relaxing. On the other hand, me dressed and
my guest nude can be intimidating. Massaging can be vigorous exercise. I can be
overheated while my guest is freezing. Working nude or wearing shorts and a short
sleave shirt keeps me cooler. I often wear a head band to keep the beads of sweat on
my brow from dripping onto my guest. Further, when I am nude, I can use other parts
of my body besides my hands to massage with. I can cradle someone more easily.
Ironically, I find some guys get most feverishly turned on when I act calm and
professional, like a doctor. I once considered buying a lab coat to play along with
the doctor fantasies of one of the cuties who came.
Everyone has flaws in their body they are embarrassed about.
It might be something as major as a missing limb or as inconsequential as an ugly
toenail or anything in between such as smelly armpits, burns, birthmarks, dark and
light spots, rough skin, cuts, asymmetries, little flaps of skin, fat deposits,
warts, moles, bald spots, gray hairs, callouses, badly done tattoos, scaly skin,
scars or improperly set broken bones. It is a great gift to be able to love
someone’s flaws for them. You don’t want to give the impression when you
are touching a flaw, that it is disgusting and you are forcing yourself to do it. You
don’t want to give the impression you are pretending not to notice because the
flaw is so socially unacceptable. You want to give the impression that you noticed
the flaw and you don’t mind, or even better that you find the flaw charming. I
often ask Is that area tender? Do you mind me touching
it? By phrasing the question that way, I make it clear the flaw does not freak
me out. I can see a smile of relief pass across someone’s face when they let me
massage one of their flaws. They feel loved and cared for. I may be the first person
ever to touch it.
In my ad, I ask for smooth guys so the following flaw problem rarely occurs.
Sometimes a guy will show up with blackheads or pimples all over his back or chest. I
find massaging these somewhat gross since I get little bits of grit all over my
hands. What to do? Massage the area vigorously with sesame oil and coarse salt. This
is mildly painful for your guest. Bathe the area with a soapy washcloth and pat dry.
This will get rid of nearly all of them and you can proceed to massage normally. I
could use a little face-saving subterfuge that this painful salt massage is standard
procedure for all my guests, but I find a policy of ruthless honesty is best to build
Turning the Massage into Sex
Massage is so pleasurable, nearly everyone is
naturally seduced. Nearly every guest gets a hard on. It is not as meaningful as you
might suppose. They just want more pleasure, even if they don’t want you in
particular. As my friend Robert Jackson says, men are
pigs. Just keep that in mind and love them anyway when your guests show
absolutely no interest in your reciprocal pleasure.
You can gently increase the feeling of intimacy by resting the guy’s arm on
your knee while you massage his shoulders or upper arm, or just by allowing your body
to rest against his when it is natural and convenient to do so.
Don’t leave any part of the body out — including face, scalp, perineum
and hands. Try to give the genitals slightly less attention but otherwise treat them
just like other parts of the body. This reduces embarrassment and then allows your
guest to use body language to request more attention to his preferred erogenous
The key is to be reluctant, giving always a little bit less sex than desired. You
might give a few quick licks, then return to the massage. Be careful, sesame oil is
so slippery, it is very easy to make someone come with just a few flicks of the
If the massage takes a sexier turn, you can use your mouth too — to lick
nipples, the backs and fronts of the knees or the scrotum.
Anally erogenous guys often like you to massage them from the inside and outside
of their bodies at once. This can be quite a delicious novelty for them.
For hints on giving your guest maximum pleasure from oral or anal sex see my
two other essays. Almost all guys will want manual penile stimulation. The majority
want manual anal stimulation, usually with finger penetration, but some are sharply
offended when you try either. They probably believe enjoying anal stimulation would
mean they were not properly masculine, or they may be wired differently from others.
Most want me to give them a blow job, though some deny themselves that pleasure on
conservative safe sex grounds. Fewer want
to be screwed. Fewer still want to screw. Almost none want to give me a blow job. My
height attracts a subclass of people who fit this profile. Your mileage may vary. In
any case, the people who show up at your door will want to lie back and have you do
things to them, not the reverse.
Since you may be dealing with relatively inexperienced people, it is even more
than usually important that you take the lead it setting down safe sex guidelines. You can have some very unpleasant scenes if
someone finds out afterward you are HIV+ even
if you did nothing unsafe. Inexperienced
people are freaked even at the thought they drank a glass of water you gave them and
can become panic stricken or even violent. Trying to calm their fears by explaining
the rules of safe sex can backfire. It just
gets them even more upset because they suddenly realise the extreme risks they have
been taking in the past with other partners. If you are HIV+, putting that fact up front in your ad can help avoid such
Guys signal they would like to turn the massage into two-way sex by repeatedly
touching you. They signal the desire for one-way sex by arching or spreading the legs
— and, of course, by getting a hard on.
To get someone to really relax you must evoke memories of
childhood. Stroke them the way their parents stroked them, gently, softly, lovingly
on the head and face. Cradle them by propping them up against you. Massage the feet
with motions vaguely reminiscent of This Little Piggy Went To Market. At the
end of the massage, wash them gently with a warm soapy facecloth patting them dry
with a warm fluffy towel. Body Shop’s Fruits And Passion Orange And Cantaloupe Bath is
a real treat for this body-washing ritual. The catch is, it costs $50 a bottle. Others like to leave with the odours and oils of the
massage lingering on their bodies.
These techniques work best after they have come. Some guys will want to
leap up and run away immediately after they have come. They are missing the best
Allow lots of time for saying goodbye. Guys usually
don’t want to leave. They would prefer to curl up and go to sleep for the
night, or have just a few more back scratches.
Some guys like to shower afterwards. Have a clean towel and some nice-smelling
(but not flowery), strong, sanitary, liquid soap for them, such as Dial bodywash.
Also provide a citrus shampoo to help remove any oil in their hair such as Redmond
Aussie Citrifier or Citré Shine. For cleanup, most guys want a business-like,
brisk mood, contrasting with the sensuous laid back mood of the massage itself.
Massage puts people into a euphoric, stoned, relaxed state. Occasionally they have
difficulty walking or putting on their clothes. Their pupils are dilated. You are
usually in a happy relaxed state too, but nowhere near as zonked. It is your duty to
reassure them that these feelings are normal. If they are going to drive, encourage
them to rest a while first. You can wake people up a bit with tapotement --
the massage technique favoured by movie gangsters and some zingy scents.
Don’t expect them to be polite, especially right after they come. No matter
how well the massage went, they will often leave without a hug, hand shake or even a
thank you. That’s just the way guys are. They are a bit embarrassed by the
intimacy they allowed themselves during the massage and they need to compensate. You
will never hear from most of them again no matter how well the massage went.
Repeats & Reciprocation
It can be quite surprising who asks to come back.
Sometimes the ones who act as if they have just witnessed the second coming never
call again. Others who seemed to sleep through the whole experience, or who refuse to
give you even a parting hug, keep begging to come back.
It is much easier massage someone you have massaged before. You know where he
likes to be touched and how hard. However, it can be frustrating because you come to
expect some reciprocation after you spend week after week pleasuring him.
The unfortunate side effect of offering free massages is you tend to attract
people with absolutely no interest in reciprocation.
Night school classes will teach you how to prevent pain or injury to
yourself or your guest. If you give frequent massages, this knowledge is a must.
Most of the time, the sexual episodes are pretty one-sided. Massage turns others
on more than it will turn you on. Don’t expect people to reciprocate. Even if
they wanted to give you a massage or sexual pleasure in return, they are usually too
jellified to attempt it. I know I am belabouring this point, but it is important.
People often leave acting as if they were in love. Don’t get your hopes up.
It is the massage — not necessarily you personally that turned them on. No
matter what they say, you won’t see most of them ever again. They will,
however, respect you in the morning. I find callers are usually deferential when they
call back asking for a repeat. Most guys assume you would only want to play with them
once, no matter how good a time you both had. You must reassure them that you
want them to come back if indeed you would like to see them again. You must
balance this against the error of appearing too clingy. Normally-reserved guys often
frighten themselves with how intimate and loving they let themselves become during
the massage and snap closed.
I found myself getting suicidally depressed by thinking of every massage guest who
never came back as a failure. The way I looked at it, the guy tried me out and found
me wanting. This is not necessarily so. Most guys are simply not interested in a
relationship. They just want to play with as many boys as possible. You have to look
at the encounters as fun way to play with a large variety of people. People in
committed relationships might envy me for having a date every night with a different
boy for three weeks in advance. If someone who is looking for a relationship decides
you are not a suitable match it means simply that, not that there is necessarily
anything wrong with either of you.
Repeat visits are more relaxed since you already know how to pleasure the guy, but
you might tend to abbreviate the rituals. Your guy may feel hurt if you do this and
won’t show up again.
Guys talking to you on the phone will create a god-like fantasy creature around
any details you tell them. You will never quite measure up to that fantasy, so people
will always be somewhat disappointed to meet you. They will go through with the
massage anyway and get turned on as a matter of course. The advantage is that you
end up with guys much handsomer than would normally pick you. The disadvantage is
that you often spend hours massaging guys who are only lukewarm to you, who will
never come back.
It is hard to teach massage just with words. You need photos,
better still a video and better still a hands-on class.
Primates have been giving each other backrubs since the beginning of time.
Everyone knows instinctively how to do it. There are three simple rules:
Don’t be tentative. Act firmly with confidence. Your assurance helps your
guy relax. Treat every part of the body with equal attention and care. So long as he
is relaxing, you are on the right track. If he is getting more tense, back off. Use
gentler strokes. He is unconsciously bracing himself. Pay attention more to what his
body says than his mouth.
- If he likes it, do it some more.
- If he doesn’t like it, try something else.
- Focus on how good it feels to your hands to touch.
You don’t need a huge repertoire of fancy moves. People have an incredible
tolerance for boring repetition while they are being massaged.
The most basic massage is done with long flowing strokes. You
massage toward the heart. You sort of milk the body, squeezing blood and lymph along
toward the heart. This gives a very nice afterglow feeling of well being. Start with
gentle pressure, gradually increasing. Some big strapping guys will wince at quite
gentle pressure and some tiny little guys will beg for more even after you have given
them all you have got. Just pay attention to the body language. You are doing this
because it is pleasurable, not because it is good for them. It is traditional to
start a massage with Swedish strokes and to finish it that way too, with long strokes
along the entire length of the body. It can also feel good to drag your hands along
underneath the body.
You do these with the flat of your hands, often squeezing
toward the center of the body or limb. You can rub with the grain of the muscle or
across it, or any other way that feels good. You can go fast or slow, light or hard.
Focusing on how pleasant your guy’s body feels to touch will intuitively guide
you to good moves. I let the music suggest new strokes.
Use two hands, one atop the other and run the fingers around
in a small circle. Work up and down each side of the spine, using your weight to
provide quite heavy pressure. Don’t put pressure directly on the spine.
Don’t use your thumbs. Your hands will ache afterward if you do.
This works best with a guy with some meat on his bones. It
is a bit like kneading bread, alternately scoop a handful of flesh toward the centre
in curved motions.
Usually you do this across the torso, pulling one hand toward
you while simultaneously pushing the other away, twisting the flesh in both
directions like an Indian burn you used to give your friends as a kid.
Usually in the upper back you will find muscles that feel like
hard thin cords. They have developed calcium deposits. If you have the patience, you
can break up the scale with your thumbs. This usually feels simultaneously painful
and exquisitely pleasurable.
If you get an anatomy chart, you will see, for example, that
the calf muscle is actually two muscles. You use your thumb to try to gently separate
them, with long, firm, very slow strokes down the crease between the two muscles. Be
careful you don’t go over the guy’s threshold of pain. Build pressure
slowly. Focus also on the attachment points where muscles attach to bone. You always
stroke in the direction of the muscle fibres.
You just put extra pressure on these with your thumbs.
Important ones are at the base of the palm, in the crook between thumb and
forefinger, behind the ears, just above the nipples, on the rear sole of the foot,
and at the base of each toe. Just do them in the course of massaging those areas.
There are also pressure points all around the edge of the butt and around the crease
where the leg joins the body.
Gently drain the lymph nodes just above the penis, stroking from
the base of the penis up and out. This feels surprisingly pleasant without being too
directly sexual. The other important lymph nodes are in the arm pits. Use broad
strokes to avoid tickling.
The butt has the biggest muscle in the body, the gluteus
maximus. This muscle needs a lot of attention. To get sufficient pressure for some
people, you have to use your elbow. Go very slowly. Nearly everyone is anally
erogenous, though most people are embarrassed to admit it. You can deal with this by
treating the crack in the butt just like any other piece of skin on the body, with no
more or no less attention. Guys will usually give you a clue they want more
attention. You can accidentally let your arm brush the
anus while you massage the inner thighs. You can rub the entire length of your oiled
arm across the anus if he seems to be responding. Some guys want just the outside of
the anus stimulated, some want the inside stimulated as well. It can be hard to tell.
There are visual clues. Tiny anuses without a pink circle around them usually
don’t like insertion, though they are just as likely as anyone else to like
external stimulation. Big puckered lips on the anus is a sign he will likely want
insertion. Spreading the legs, arching the back and even lifting the butt into the
air are clues he wants more anal stimulation, though not necessarily insertion. You
have to watch body language and proceed slowly. You can massage with one hand on the
outside of the butt while your finger inside presses in that direction gently from
What do you do about the fact your finger is now contaminated with bacteria? You
don’t want to spread that over the rest of his skin.
You will frequently get body language requests for rimming. This usually happens
when you lick the underside of the balls. They will lift their butts trying to get
their anuses in the path of your tongue. The problem is rimming is just about the
fastest possible way to pick up parasites. In theory you could use a dental dam but
that would take most of the fun out of it.
- Use a condom or finger cot.
- Wash your hands with antiseptic cleanser such as Germistat which you can get at
a hospital supply store.
- Don’t worry about it, the guy may have done an extremely thorough job of
cleaning himself beforehand.
Start with just a few seconds of penis massage, never
attempting it unless he has shown he is eager for it with a stiff hard on. Play with
the balls, scrotum, perineum, anus, thighs, leg creases, lymph nodes, tummy, nipples
and only incidentally and occasionally the penis. You want him absolutely begging for
more. You want to drag this out as long as possible, but without going numb from too
much stimulation. If you use your mouth, use it for just a few seconds on the penis,
as spice. Using your mouth elsewhere will either really turn the guy on or really
turn him off, depending on how turned on he is to you personally. When you tease like
this, when he finally does come, he will explode. Keep your hands well oiled. Lock
your fingers and squeeze his penis between your palms. You can squeeze so hard that
way you could make his penis pop, surely sufficient pressure for anyone. When he
appears on the final slope to orgasm, stimulate everything and don’t stop or
change what you are doing, including the anus, but don’t suddenly spring any
sort of untried penetration on him at the last second. If he does like penetration,
press gently on the prostate, or wiggle gently from side to side. You can tell how
close he is to orgasm by how swollen the prostate gland is.
This is the sort of massage you see in gangster movies. You use
gentle judo chops, or slaps with cupped hands rapidly over the body. This is useful
primarily near the end of the massage to wake the guy back up. It can also be useful
for severely tense muscles that don’t otherwise respond.
I often slowly wash the guy at the end in a kind of ritual. I wash a
small part of the body with hot warm sweet-smelling water and then pat it dry. I
take quite a while to do this. It provides a relaxed end after a feverish orgasm.
Why Do It?
People ask me over and over why I offer massages free where others
charge. They tell me my massages are better than the professional ones they received.
I should be charging. Here are some of the answers I give.
- If I did this professionally, I could not choose my clients. This way I can
limit my clients to people I find sexually appealing.
- If I did this professionally, my social status would be roughly that of a
- By offering free massage, much younger and handsomer guys show up at my door
than if I did not. Further, large numbers of them phone me asking for appointments.
They would not do that if I were doing it professionally.
- It’s good karma. If the Buddhists are right, in some future life, or
maybe even this one, I will get hundreds of massages.
- I’m far more likely to be offered a massage if I give them than if I
- It’s pleasant exercise. Massaging makes my hands and arms are grow
stronger and stronger. I get compliments on them. That did not happen when I was
doing just gym exercises.
- If I limit giving at most one massage a day, I can put my heart into it. I
don’t have to worry about saving my hands or back muscles that way you do
when you work professionally.
- Even though I am gay, I have a girl friend. She says because of my massage
skills I have totally spoiled her for any other man. Tell your straight friends to
learn massage if they want to attract females.
Why Not Do It?
Here are some of the downsides to doing what I do.
- The phone rings at all hours of the day and night from people demanding
massages right now! They seem to think I am some sort of
massage/pizza delivery service.
- There is some risk inviting strangers into your home. I’m a big guy so
few people would want to get in a fight with me. I did have trouble once with a guy
who threatened me. He freaked out over HIV
even though he was in no danger.
- So many times some boy captures my heart, acts as if he wants to become my
lover, oif, or at least a regular, then never
calls again. I can’t stand having my hopes dashed over and over like that.
- People frequently don’t show for their appointments, offer no excuse and
sometimes later demand I reschedule them. It is still quite a
letdown when they don’t show up.
- Sometimes people are not as they advertised themselves. You have the choice of
rudely refusing to massage them or of gritting your teeth and going through with
massaging someone you find unpleasant to touch. I remind myself that professional
masseurs rarely get to massage people they find sexually appealing.
- People are in general quite presumputous, acting as if I owed
them a massage at any time convenient for them. People who have not met me treat me
with little respect. They don’t value the massage nearly as highly as I think
they should, given the effort I put into it.
- You are offering something for nothing. This tends to attract takers rather
- It tends to take over your life. It gets very hard to schedule time for
anything else when you have people begging you to fill up every speck of your time,
scheduled three weeks in advance, to look after their needs.
- The people who come are completely passive. They just lie there and let me
pleasure them. They almost never do anything in return. They often refuse to even
give me a good bye hug, the thing I most want in return. It is hard not to feel
used. Some reciprocate, but not quite as I might hope, with gifts of chocolate,
food, candles and marijuana.
I have stopped advertising, though I still do massages for a two guys
who come by every couple of weeks. I wanted to find a long term lover. It did not
work for that. Now I just do it because I like massaging and I like the company of my
two regular guys, Frank and Darien (not their real names).
Anybody should be able to do what I have done and should get similar results.
There is much more I’d like to tell you, but I have told you enough to get you
started. Feel free to experiment and improvise.
I have described many possible things you could do. You would do only some of them
that felt appropriate for any particular guest on any particular visit. I fear that
people coming to see me after reading this essay went away disappointed that they did
not experience everything in my published repertoire on their first