massage : Gay & Black Glossary


Rubbing someone’s body with your hands, using oil or baby powder as a lubricant. It is the ultimate seduction technique.

Please Don’t Call

I no longer do massages. My partner does not like me bringing strangers into our home. However, there is no reason you can’t.

The Secret of My Success

I’m 57 years old, slightly overweight with average looks. Click to see pictures of me. I find it very embarrassing to phone people. Yet, I have had a date booked every night, two to three weeks in advance. The guys were mostly in their 20s and 30s. Guys much handsomer than me literally begged to come back. How could this be?

No, I did not go to Thailand. I did this when I was living in New Westminster Canada. No, I was not handing out $1000 bills. You too can do what I did for under $50 total and should reap similar success.

So instead of playing Ain’t It Awful with your friends about how younger gays won’t give you the time of day, try this out…

Composing Your Ad

Start by placing a classified ad in your local gay newspaper, (Xtra West here in Vancouver), similar to this one: You can use abbreviations, such as HIV+ (Human Immuno-deficiency Virus Positive (infected)) or GWM (Gay White Male), but make sure you know what they mean and that they are used consistently in other ads.

Close your eyes. Feeling strong hands moving over your body, anywhere you want.
I’m a 6’ 3”, 209 pounds, brown, blue, versatile, HIV+, 54 GWM. I like massaging guys under 42 without thick body hair. u Sexual or non-sexual. Safe-sex only. No charge. Pictures at:
Call Roedy at (250) 361-9093.
The keys to the ad are:

Handling Phone Calls

Callers partially pre-screen themselves. Guaranteed, you are their basic type. However, they are not necessarily yours.

On the phone, it is best to be friendly, something like a doctor’s receptionist. Make an appointment. Avoid grilling the guy about his appearance so that he feels he could not possibly measure up to your expectations. It is best to just ask an open-ended question like, Tell me about yourself, "What do you look like? or How well did you fit the list of preferences in my ad?"

Make no specific promises of sex. The massage is guaranteed, but sex will require both of you to be turned on to the other. Point out that no matter what, he will still leave your place feeling great. He will win either way.

My mother’s advice is Never say yes. Never say no. Always say maybe, even if you are sure the guy will make you cream your jeans. Overpromising can be extremely embarrassing.

Ask him to avoid eating a heavy meal just before, to shower first and optionally to bring some music.


Even though the people who don’t show up have never even seen me, I still have trouble taking it philosophically. It feels like a personal rejection, much the same as if they had shown up at the door, taken one look at me and ran. No-shows are a fact of life. You have to get used to them. In 2000-09, I got 6 no-shows in a row. I wanted to strangle every male on the planet. If a guy does not show, it says more about him than you. You are lucky you did not waste time on such a guy. If you let it get to you, your tone of voice will scare off other guys who would otherwise have shown up.

Here are the clues a guy will not show up for his appointment.

What can you do to reduce no-shows?
  1. The further into the future you book an appointment, the lower the chance the guy will show up. You can simply refuse to book more than a few days into the future. The problem then is guys will think you are giving them the brushoff when you have to tell them to call back later. Tell them right up front the problem, then they will be less likely to take it personally.
  2. Avoid inviting them in the first place. You are not obligated to invite everyone who calls over, even if they do meet the basic criteria of your ad. If they give any of the above clues they will be a no-show, don’t invite them.
  3. The less sexual the tone of your ad and the less sexual the way you talk, the better your odds of the guy showing up. The key is to keep everything low key so the guy does not think it is a big deal and get cold feet.
  4. Ask each guy for his phone number and a time he would like a reminder call. If he won’t give you that, don’t book an appointment.
  5. Ask guys to make a confirmation call. If you don’t get the call, you know you will have a no-show. It does not reduce the number of no-shows, but it gives you more warning so you don’t waste time waiting around for them.
  6. Maintain a list of guys who might be able to show up on short notice. When you have a no-show, you can often quickly find a happy replacement.
No matter how careful you are, you will still get some no shows. Just take the night off and enjoy some other activity. I tell myself when a guy does not show up, "I’m glad I did not spend three hours on an undeserving guy like that. He conveniently filtered himself out of my existence."

By the time people arrive at the door, they are pretty committed to getting a massage. In the hundreds of massages I have given, only three people who came over declined to be massaged. One left, presumably because my appearance failed to meet his fantasies, one ran in terror when the topic of HIV came up and the third, Bernard, became my lover.

When I lived on Burrard Street, in the gay ghetto of the West End, nearly everyone who called made an appointment. When I lived in New Westminster (a 1.5 hour Skytrain-bus trip from downtown), about 28% of people didn’t make an appointment, complaining either that they need to come over right now or that they didn’t want to come all the way out to New Westminster. When I lived on Burrard Street, nearly everyone showed up for their appointment. In New West, I had a 35% no-show rate. Why?

  1. My best explanation is that people don’t really want to come all the way out to New Westminster, but they make an appointment anyway. When they later reconsider, why don’t they call and give some phony excuse and free up the slot for someone else? It would be embarrassing for them to reneg. By simply not showing up they avoid having to make up some excuse. Perhaps they fear I would chastise them if they told the truth.
  2. My second explanation for the difference is that I used to advertise in Angles, a gay lib paper. It is now defunct. I now advertise in Xtra West a commercial paper. It attracts a different readership. I am now getting more inexperienced people prone to cold feet.
  3. I am also four years older. That makes me somewhat less of a sex magnet. People still want me to massage them, but are less willing to jump through hoops. They have less compunction about treating me with contempt. Unfortunately, to pretty young airheads, for every year you age, you gradually lose your status as a human being in gay society. I’m a bit testy on this an often put brats in their place when they step too far out of line.

First Meeting

There is always a bit of a shock when two men meet who have only talked on the phone. Fantasies shatter. To ease the shock, try to arrange to greet your caller gradually, for example, by walking down a long hall to greet him, or by leaving your door open then walking slowly toward it when he arrives.

Olfaction plays an important rôle in making people feel comfortable. Get a large pot of boiling water and add some cloves, cinnamon, vanilla, juniper berries, coffee grounds, nutmeg and ginger. Allow this to simmer for an half an hour before your guest arrives. Your apartment will be filled with a warm, homey smell that spells safety and relaxation.

You have to take the bad with the good. Sometimes the guys look absolutely nothing like the way they advertised themselves. When this happens, I think to myself, "This guy was so keen to meet me, that he was willing to lie and risk my anger. I should cut him some slack.". Sometimes they are obnoxious, drunk, demanding and have stinky feet. On the other hand, sometimes they are so beautiful and loving they take your breath away. You will definitely meet boys hundreds of times more beautiful than you could ever have picked up cruising. Don’t let their beauty intimidate you. Just like any other not-so-handsome guest, they want you to love them and pamper them.

Pre-Massage Talk

In Canada, the customer is king; in Japan, he is God. Use the Japanese model in treating your guest.

Some guys like to chat between 15 minutes to an hour before settling into the massage. Others require physical touch before they are relaxed enough to talk.

Repeatedly reassure your guest that the entire point of this exercise is his comfort and pleasure. He can take off or keep on as much clothing as he desires. He can have the massage on the bed or the floor, depending on how much pressure he likes. Usually even the shyest men discard clothing during the massage and ask for more of their bodies to be worked on.

You will tend to get a disproportionate number of people from other cultures with quite different ideas of appropriate topics for small talk. Maintain your sense of humour when one asks how many bowel movements a day you have.

Ask your guest if there are any parts of his body he does not want you to touch, or parts that are sore, or that need special attention. You should avoid giving massages to people running a fever or suffering from acute arthritis.

I usually start the massage by busily fussing about getting ready warming the various oils or melting some grated cocoa-butter in the microwave. I set out candles, and lower the lighting. This takes the embarrassing focus away from my guest who is undressing.

Learning To Massage

There are excellent night school classes to learn classical relaxation massage. A good way to learn is to receive massages, so you know what various things feel like. You can learn a fair bit by experimenting on yourself and from library books or videos.

You might take a course from The Body Electric. They focus more on the sensual and erotic aspects than your local night school class would.

Massage trades with guys who know more about massage than you can be intimidating, but you will learn a lot and you receive a great massage yourself. Massage trades tend to be non-sexual.

Try massaging yourself to learn what various things feel like. When you are massaging, imagine what your hands would feel like to your guest. Sometimes this imagination can become so real you would swear you are actually feeling what he is feeling.

Don’t worry about perfection. Even an inept massage still feels wonderful.

Massage Tables

Ideally you need a massage table, to spare your back if you do frequent massages, but that is about an $800 CAD expenditure for a good one.
massage_table massage_table
I have a Living Earth Crafts heavy duty Autolock model, pictured above. I am quite happy with it. The only thing the matter with it is that the wood squeaks when I get vigorous. To avoid that, I’d have to go to a stationary model.

For other massage paraphernalia such as table covers, face covers, bulk oil, special detergent etc. you can browse the online catalog at Living Earth Crafts. They don’t have their complete catalog and price list online, but they will snail mail you a beautiful catalog. From then on you can order via the Internet, though they don’t mention that on their website.

You don’t need any of that just to get started.


feedback Feedback

Encourage your guest to give you clear feedback so that you will know if you do something he dislikes or particularly likes. This cue need only be a low ahh, or a tightening of the muscles. Your ability to convince him to do this is the #1 determinant of how well the massage will go. Guests tend to fall at the two extremes. Some are so unresponsive you might as well be massaging a log. Others direct your every move, impatient to get on to the next phase of the massage. The ideal guest falls between those two extremes, giving you hints with low ahh sounds. I prefer my guests to err on the side of giving me too much feedback.

People vary widely in tastes. Pay attention to your guest’s reactions, not on what you think should feel good. Ideally the muscle you are working on should relax and the jaw should relax and you should see a relaxed smile. On the other hand some people attempt to maintain wooden, stoic expressions no matter how good they feel, perhaps thinking it unmanly to let you know what pleasures them. Many guys will make sighing sounds or arch their bodies toward you when you do something they particularly like.

Some people will feel pain with even the slightest pressure to some unlikely spot on the body. Trust them when they tell you it hurts. If you do something that hurts or is ticklish, they will usually twitch or tighten up. Most people will just grin and bear it when you increase pressure too much or too quickly. Sometimes the most exquisitely pleasurable probings are simultaneously painful.

When in doubt, ask, but avoid chattering. Sometimes when my intuition fails I just ask "What part of your body feels like it needs attention now?". People are usually unnecessarily shy about revealing what pleasures them. To guide them along, you can ask multiple choice questions.


Music will often inspire you to invent new stimulations. My favourite tapes are Pachelbel’s Greatest Hits, Atlantis Angelis, Spirit of Love, B-Tribe and Crash Test Dummies. Try Banyen Sound for a selection of tapes suitable for massage. There is a lot of bland goo billed as massage music, so listen before you buy. When guys come back for repeat visits, I experiment more with the music, taking a chance on something untried. I’ve been using gamelan music, The Mediaeval Baebes and Glenn Gould playing Bach on the piano. You can change the mood by changing the volume. The sound of rain works well. One time I used Sanscrit chants and a Hindu man told me his life had been transformed. Since most guys won’t bring music, you can show them your collection and let them pick. It can be quite fun to massage to new music. You can think of it as a form of dance.


To punctuate various phases of the massage, I rub aromatic oils mixed with carrier oil onto my hands, then apply them directly to some part of my guest’s body. Body heat causes rapid evaporation creating a burst of fragrance. Even truck driver types, in the euphoria of massage, ooh and ahh at this. With child-like wonder they try to guess what the fragrance is. Don’t put the undiluted fragrances directly on the skin as that can cause irritation. They are a form of medicine, absorbed through the skin, so you don’t want to O.D. the poor guy.

You can buy these aromatic essential oils at massage, aromatherapy or health food stores.

The fragrances I use are:

Have fun sniffing. Buy ones that smell good, not that have appealing names, fancy packaging or brand name recognition. Just think to yourself, "Does this smell like something most guys would enjoy having applied to their bodies?" I use mostly Aura Cacia brand fragrances, mainly because they are widely available, come in decent sized bottles and are not outrageously expensive. Acquiring a collection of fragrances is the most expensive part of this enterprise. You could make do with just one or none at all. The Aura Cacia website gives tips on using the various fragrances if you don’t trust your own nose. In a pinch, if fragrances are not available in your town, you could buy some of the ones I recommend over the Internet without smelling them first. If you buy from American websites, they use an archaic form of volume measure, the fluid ounce. 1 oz = 30 ml, ½ oz = 15 ml and 1/3 oz = 10 ml. You can’t really tell without smelling how good a value a particular scent is because some are so much stronger than others so you need only a fraction of a drop. To preserve freshness, there is not much point in buying more than 15 ml at a time. It is best to store them in the fridge.

When you are using a fragrance and you are unsure if your guy will like it, try it out first on the feet, far away from his nose. If you get a good reaction, you can try it out on the body closer to the nose later. I usually start with lime, a safe, univerally-acceptable, masculine scent. There seem to be two kinds of people, ones that like nearly all the fragrances and ones that are indifferent to or even don’t like any of them. So if you get a good reaction with one fragrance, you can be more bold with others. Conversely, if you get a bad reaction with any fragrance, back off on the others. Just trust your intuition. Even if you guess wrongly, at worst, the odour will be mildly irritating and distracting. These essential oils are not perfumes which can feel, to some, like somebody probing your nose with an ice pick. Aromatherapy scents are much softer.


Here are my favourite oils: I would not recommend olive, canola or corn oils. They are too sticky. However, they are relatively cheap and readily available in any grocery store. Special massage oils are usually just one of the oils above with a bit of added fragrance and an outrageous price. Unfortunately, you can’t usually taste or smell the various oils before purchase.

You can also use lotions such as Vaseline Intensive Care. People from tropical countries sometimes prefer oil-free or dry massages. Scented baby powder is nice too, especially for hairy people. I think the scent reminds guys of the loving care they received as infants. They go into a smiling trance. Check the Yellow Pages under Massage for sources of special water-soluble gels and lotions.

Some people like to be almost swimming in oil, others like it almost dry to create maximum friction with your hands. Generally the hairier your guest is the more oil you need. I find very hairy guys almost impossible to oil-massage. My fingers get tangled in their sticky body hair. I find the experience quite gross. Other people like it.

I like to heat the oils with a Salton cup warmer. That is not entirely satisfactory because the oil drips and cakes onto the hot surface.


I usually wear black because it does not show sweat or oil stains and because it takes the focus away from my body. Some guys ask me to do the massage nude. That tends to turn the massage prematurely into a sexual adventure. My guest becomes too focused on my body instead of relaxing. On the other hand, me dressed and my guest nude can be intimidating. Massaging can be vigorous exercise. I can be overheated while my guest is freezing. Working nude or wearing shorts and a short sleave shirt keeps me cooler. I often wear a head band to keep the beads of sweat on my brow from dripping onto my guest. Further, when I am nude, I can use other parts of my body besides my hands to massage with. I can cradle someone more easily. Ironically, I find some guys get most feverishly turned on when I act calm and professional, like a doctor. I once considered buying a lab coat to play along with the doctor fantasies of one of the cuties who came.


Everyone has flaws in their body they are embarrassed about. It might be something as major as a missing limb or as inconsequential as an ugly toenail or anything in between such as smelly armpits, burns, birthmarks, dark and light spots, rough skin, cuts, asymmetries, little flaps of skin, fat deposits, warts, moles, bald spots, gray hairs, callouses, badly done tattoos, scaly skin, scars or improperly set broken bones. It is a great gift to be able to love someone’s flaws for them. You don’t want to give the impression when you are touching a flaw, that it is disgusting and you are forcing yourself to do it. You don’t want to give the impression you are pretending not to notice because the flaw is so socially unacceptable. You want to give the impression that you noticed the flaw and you don’t mind, or even better that you find the flaw charming. I often ask Is that area tender? Do you mind me touching it? By phrasing the question that way, I make it clear the flaw does not freak me out. I can see a smile of relief pass across someone’s face when they let me massage one of their flaws. They feel loved and cared for. I may be the first person ever to touch it.

In my ad, I ask for smooth guys so the following flaw problem rarely occurs. Sometimes a guy will show up with blackheads or pimples all over his back or chest. I find massaging these somewhat gross since I get little bits of grit all over my hands. What to do? Massage the area vigorously with sesame oil and coarse salt. This is mildly painful for your guest. Bathe the area with a soapy washcloth and pat dry. This will get rid of nearly all of them and you can proceed to massage normally. I could use a little face-saving subterfuge that this painful salt massage is standard procedure for all my guests, but I find a policy of ruthless honesty is best to build trust.

Turning the Massage into Sex

Massage is so pleasurable, nearly everyone is naturally seduced. Nearly every guest gets a hard on. It is not as meaningful as you might suppose. They just want more pleasure, even if they don’t want you in particular. As my friend Robert Jackson says, men are pigs. Just keep that in mind and love them anyway when your guests show absolutely no interest in your reciprocal pleasure.

You can gently increase the feeling of intimacy by resting the guy’s arm on your knee while you massage his shoulders or upper arm, or just by allowing your body to rest against his when it is natural and convenient to do so.

Don’t leave any part of the body out — including face, scalp, perineum and hands. Try to give the genitals slightly less attention but otherwise treat them just like other parts of the body. This reduces embarrassment and then allows your guest to use body language to request more attention to his preferred erogenous zones.

The key is to be reluctant, giving always a little bit less sex than desired. You might give a few quick licks, then return to the massage. Be careful, sesame oil is so slippery, it is very easy to make someone come with just a few flicks of the wrist.

If the massage takes a sexier turn, you can use your mouth too — to lick nipples, the backs and fronts of the knees or the scrotum.

Anally erogenous guys often like you to massage them from the inside and outside of their bodies at once. This can be quite a delicious novelty for them.

For hints on giving your guest maximum pleasure from oral or anal sex see my two other essays. Almost all guys will want manual penile stimulation. The majority want manual anal stimulation, usually with finger penetration, but some are sharply offended when you try either. They probably believe enjoying anal stimulation would mean they were not properly masculine, or they may be wired differently from others. Most want me to give them a blow job, though some deny themselves that pleasure on conservative safe sex grounds. Fewer want to be screwed. Fewer still want to screw. Almost none want to give me a blow job. My height attracts a subclass of people who fit this profile. Your mileage may vary. In any case, the people who show up at your door will want to lie back and have you do things to them, not the reverse.

Since you may be dealing with relatively inexperienced people, it is even more than usually important that you take the lead it setting down safe sex guidelines. You can have some very unpleasant scenes if someone finds out afterward you are HIV+ even if you did nothing unsafe. Inexperienced people are freaked even at the thought they drank a glass of water you gave them and can become panic stricken or even violent. Trying to calm their fears by explaining the rules of safe sex can backfire. It just gets them even more upset because they suddenly realise the extreme risks they have been taking in the past with other partners. If you are HIV+, putting that fact up front in your ad can help avoid such scenes.

Guys signal they would like to turn the massage into two-way sex by repeatedly touching you. They signal the desire for one-way sex by arching or spreading the legs — and, of course, by getting a hard on.

Evoking Childhood

To get someone to really relax you must evoke memories of childhood. Stroke them the way their parents stroked them, gently, softly, lovingly on the head and face. Cradle them by propping them up against you. Massage the feet with motions vaguely reminiscent of This Little Piggy Went To Market. At the end of the massage, wash them gently with a warm soapy facecloth patting them dry with a warm fluffy towel. Body Shop’s Fruits And Passion Orange And Cantaloupe Bath is a real treat for this body-washing ritual. The catch is, it costs $50 a bottle. Others like to leave with the odours and oils of the massage lingering on their bodies.

These techniques work best after they have come. Some guys will want to leap up and run away immediately after they have come. They are missing the best part.

Saying Goodbye

Allow lots of time for saying goodbye. Guys usually don’t want to leave. They would prefer to curl up and go to sleep for the night, or have just a few more back scratches.

Some guys like to shower afterwards. Have a clean towel and some nice-smelling (but not flowery), strong, sanitary, liquid soap for them, such as Dial bodywash. Also provide a citrus shampoo to help remove any oil in their hair such as Redmond Aussie Citrifier or Citré Shine. For cleanup, most guys want a business-like, brisk mood, contrasting with the sensuous laid back mood of the massage itself.

Massage puts people into a euphoric, stoned, relaxed state. Occasionally they have difficulty walking or putting on their clothes. Their pupils are dilated. You are usually in a happy relaxed state too, but nowhere near as zonked. It is your duty to reassure them that these feelings are normal. If they are going to drive, encourage them to rest a while first. You can wake people up a bit with tapotement -- the massage technique favoured by movie gangsters and some zingy scents.

Don’t expect them to be polite, especially right after they come. No matter how well the massage went, they will often leave without a hug, hand shake or even a thank you. That’s just the way guys are. They are a bit embarrassed by the intimacy they allowed themselves during the massage and they need to compensate. You will never hear from most of them again no matter how well the massage went.

Repeats & Reciprocation

It can be quite surprising who asks to come back. Sometimes the ones who act as if they have just witnessed the second coming never call again. Others who seemed to sleep through the whole experience, or who refuse to give you even a parting hug, keep begging to come back.

It is much easier massage someone you have massaged before. You know where he likes to be touched and how hard. However, it can be frustrating because you come to expect some reciprocation after you spend week after week pleasuring him.

The unfortunate side effect of offering free massages is you tend to attract people with absolutely no interest in reciprocation.


Night school classes will teach you how to prevent pain or injury to yourself or your guest. If you give frequent massages, this knowledge is a must.

Most of the time, the sexual episodes are pretty one-sided. Massage turns others on more than it will turn you on. Don’t expect people to reciprocate. Even if they wanted to give you a massage or sexual pleasure in return, they are usually too jellified to attempt it. I know I am belabouring this point, but it is important.

People often leave acting as if they were in love. Don’t get your hopes up. It is the massage — not necessarily you personally that turned them on. No matter what they say, you won’t see most of them ever again. They will, however, respect you in the morning. I find callers are usually deferential when they call back asking for a repeat. Most guys assume you would only want to play with them once, no matter how good a time you both had. You must reassure them that you want them to come back if indeed you would like to see them again. You must balance this against the error of appearing too clingy. Normally-reserved guys often frighten themselves with how intimate and loving they let themselves become during the massage and snap closed.

I found myself getting suicidally depressed by thinking of every massage guest who never came back as a failure. The way I looked at it, the guy tried me out and found me wanting. This is not necessarily so. Most guys are simply not interested in a relationship. They just want to play with as many boys as possible. You have to look at the encounters as fun way to play with a large variety of people. People in committed relationships might envy me for having a date every night with a different boy for three weeks in advance. If someone who is looking for a relationship decides you are not a suitable match it means simply that, not that there is necessarily anything wrong with either of you.

Repeat visits are more relaxed since you already know how to pleasure the guy, but you might tend to abbreviate the rituals. Your guy may feel hurt if you do this and won’t show up again.

Guys talking to you on the phone will create a god-like fantasy creature around any details you tell them. You will never quite measure up to that fantasy, so people will always be somewhat disappointed to meet you. They will go through with the massage anyway and get turned on as a matter of course. The advantage is that you end up with guys much handsomer than would normally pick you. The disadvantage is that you often spend hours massaging guys who are only lukewarm to you, who will never come back.

The Strokes

It is hard to teach massage just with words. You need photos, better still a video and better still a hands-on class.

Primates have been giving each other backrubs since the beginning of time. Everyone knows instinctively how to do it. There are three simple rules:

  1. If he likes it, do it some more.
  2. If he doesn’t like it, try something else.
  3. Focus on how good it feels to your hands to touch.
Don’t be tentative. Act firmly with confidence. Your assurance helps your guy relax. Treat every part of the body with equal attention and care. So long as he is relaxing, you are on the right track. If he is getting more tense, back off. Use gentler strokes. He is unconsciously bracing himself. Pay attention more to what his body says than his mouth.

You don’t need a huge repertoire of fancy moves. People have an incredible tolerance for boring repetition while they are being massaged.

Swedish Strokes

The most basic massage is done with long flowing strokes. You massage toward the heart. You sort of milk the body, squeezing blood and lymph along toward the heart. This gives a very nice afterglow feeling of well being. Start with gentle pressure, gradually increasing. Some big strapping guys will wince at quite gentle pressure and some tiny little guys will beg for more even after you have given them all you have got. Just pay attention to the body language. You are doing this because it is pleasurable, not because it is good for them. It is traditional to start a massage with Swedish strokes and to finish it that way too, with long strokes along the entire length of the body. It can also feel good to drag your hands along underneath the body.

Basic Strokes

You do these with the flat of your hands, often squeezing toward the center of the body or limb. You can rub with the grain of the muscle or across it, or any other way that feels good. You can go fast or slow, light or hard. Focusing on how pleasant your guy’s body feels to touch will intuitively guide you to good moves. I let the music suggest new strokes.

Circular Strokes

Use two hands, one atop the other and run the fingers around in a small circle. Work up and down each side of the spine, using your weight to provide quite heavy pressure. Don’t put pressure directly on the spine. Don’t use your thumbs. Your hands will ache afterward if you do.

Scooping Strokes

This works best with a guy with some meat on his bones. It is a bit like kneading bread, alternately scoop a handful of flesh toward the centre in curved motions.

Counter Strokes

Usually you do this across the torso, pulling one hand toward you while simultaneously pushing the other away, twisting the flesh in both directions like an Indian burn you used to give your friends as a kid.


Usually in the upper back you will find muscles that feel like hard thin cords. They have developed calcium deposits. If you have the patience, you can break up the scale with your thumbs. This usually feels simultaneously painful and exquisitely pleasurable.

Esalen Strokes

If you get an anatomy chart, you will see, for example, that the calf muscle is actually two muscles. You use your thumb to try to gently separate them, with long, firm, very slow strokes down the crease between the two muscles. Be careful you don’t go over the guy’s threshold of pain. Build pressure slowly. Focus also on the attachment points where muscles attach to bone. You always stroke in the direction of the muscle fibres.

Pressure Points

You just put extra pressure on these with your thumbs. Important ones are at the base of the palm, in the crook between thumb and forefinger, behind the ears, just above the nipples, on the rear sole of the foot, and at the base of each toe. Just do them in the course of massaging those areas. There are also pressure points all around the edge of the butt and around the crease where the leg joins the body.

Lymph Nodes

Gently drain the lymph nodes just above the penis, stroking from the base of the penis up and out. This feels surprisingly pleasant without being too directly sexual. The other important lymph nodes are in the arm pits. Use broad strokes to avoid tickling.

Butt Massage

The butt has the biggest muscle in the body, the gluteus maximus. This muscle needs a lot of attention. To get sufficient pressure for some people, you have to use your elbow. Go very slowly. Nearly everyone is anally erogenous, though most people are embarrassed to admit it. You can deal with this by treating the crack in the butt just like any other piece of skin on the body, with no more or no less attention. Guys will usually give you a clue they want more attention. You can accidentally let your arm brush the anus while you massage the inner thighs. You can rub the entire length of your oiled arm across the anus if he seems to be responding. Some guys want just the outside of the anus stimulated, some want the inside stimulated as well. It can be hard to tell. There are visual clues. Tiny anuses without a pink circle around them usually don’t like insertion, though they are just as likely as anyone else to like external stimulation. Big puckered lips on the anus is a sign he will likely want insertion. Spreading the legs, arching the back and even lifting the butt into the air are clues he wants more anal stimulation, though not necessarily insertion. You have to watch body language and proceed slowly. You can massage with one hand on the outside of the butt while your finger inside presses in that direction gently from the inside.

What do you do about the fact your finger is now contaminated with bacteria? You don’t want to spread that over the rest of his skin.

  1. Use a condom or finger cot.
  2. Wash your hands with antiseptic cleanser such as Germistat which you can get at a hospital supply store.
  3. Don’t worry about it, the guy may have done an extremely thorough job of cleaning himself beforehand.
You will frequently get body language requests for rimming. This usually happens when you lick the underside of the balls. They will lift their butts trying to get their anuses in the path of your tongue. The problem is rimming is just about the fastest possible way to pick up parasites. In theory you could use a dental dam but that would take most of the fun out of it.

Penis Massage

Start with just a few seconds of penis massage, never attempting it unless he has shown he is eager for it with a stiff hard on. Play with the balls, scrotum, perineum, anus, thighs, leg creases, lymph nodes, tummy, nipples and only incidentally and occasionally the penis. You want him absolutely begging for more. You want to drag this out as long as possible, but without going numb from too much stimulation. If you use your mouth, use it for just a few seconds on the penis, as spice. Using your mouth elsewhere will either really turn the guy on or really turn him off, depending on how turned on he is to you personally. When you tease like this, when he finally does come, he will explode. Keep your hands well oiled. Lock your fingers and squeeze his penis between your palms. You can squeeze so hard that way you could make his penis pop, surely sufficient pressure for anyone. When he appears on the final slope to orgasm, stimulate everything and don’t stop or change what you are doing, including the anus, but don’t suddenly spring any sort of untried penetration on him at the last second. If he does like penetration, press gently on the prostate, or wiggle gently from side to side. You can tell how close he is to orgasm by how swollen the prostate gland is.


This is the sort of massage you see in gangster movies. You use gentle judo chops, or slaps with cupped hands rapidly over the body. This is useful primarily near the end of the massage to wake the guy back up. It can also be useful for severely tense muscles that don’t otherwise respond.


I often slowly wash the guy at the end in a kind of ritual. I wash a small part of the body with hot warm sweet-smelling water and then pat it dry. I take quite a while to do this. It provides a relaxed end after a feverish orgasm.

Why Do It?

People ask me over and over why I offer massages free where others charge. They tell me my massages are better than the professional ones they received. I should be charging. Here are some of the answers I give.

Why Not Do It?

Here are some of the downsides to doing what I do.


I have stopped advertising, though I still do massages for a two guys who come by every couple of weeks. I wanted to find a long term lover. It did not work for that. Now I just do it because I like massaging and I like the company of my two regular guys, Frank and Darien (not their real names).

Anybody should be able to do what I have done and should get similar results. There is much more I’d like to tell you, but I have told you enough to get you started. Feel free to experiment and improvise.

I have described many possible things you could do. You would do only some of them that felt appropriate for any particular guest on any particular visit. I fear that people coming to see me after reading this essay went away disappointed that they did not experience everything in my published repertoire on their first visit.

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