A Guide For the Naïve Homosexual
page 10
Physical Sex

When you have decided that some of these people are worth meeting, say something witty if you can manage it or failing that, something just plain relevant to the conversation. A short while later, members of the group will begin to wonder who this dazzling conversationalist is and will ask you to introduce yourself to the assembly and they in turn will introduce themselves to you.

Physical Sex

After such a lurid headline I will try to be as objective as possible just to avoid breaking any obscenity law. Yet what I have to say will be pretty raw stuff and sounds pretty grotty you will not find that in the dictionary — but it sort of sounds like it means) without a more subjective tone.

If you are dancing with someone, you will get an erection. If you do not, go to see a doctor. Ie. It is no big thing (pardon the pun) to get an erection when you are dancing slowly with someone. 9 boys in 10 on the dance floor have erections. 1 boy in 10 is dancing with someone he does not like. Your partner will dance in such a way as to force you to have an erection -so do not feel like a prick when he succeeds.

If on the other hand you do not get an erection do not feel impotent. Most guys who have been out for a while seldom get erections while dancing. Dances do not have to be wrestling matches.

If when you are dancing slowly your partner asks, Do you live alone? he means I have no place to go. Do you? if you do, how about going there right now because I am hornier than a hoot owl.

If when you are dancing slowly your partner asks: How about coming over to my place to feed my pet piranha, to see my Rembrandt etchings, to have some coffee ground before your very eyes from Kona coffee beans, to hear my recording of Walter Carlos playing variations on Bach’s Brandenburg Concerti on the Moog synthesizer, to see my new chesterfield (got to watch that type), or utters the more blunt Let’s leave. he means Come on kid — I can’t wait a minute longer.

As a first timer, you should stay away from anyone who is very good-looking. Find someone who is about 5 years older that you who is not stunningly handsome. He will be more understanding than any young guy could be. Also pick someone who has had a fair bit of sexual experience — another virgin will probably make you feel like a complete and utter failure when everything goes wrong as it inevitably does on your first time. A kind, experienced person will not expect so much of you.

If you accept (or if your invitation is accepted) then you will ask one of the boys behind the bar to call a taxi for you. (this is a free service.) you then retrieve your coat (remember the yellow stub?) and wait inside the door until the cab arrives. It is customary for the person to whose house you are going to pay the cab — but be ready to pay if your partner is at all slow in forking over the loot.

Now when you get to his place you usually have coffee, feed the pet piranha or whatever and then jump into bed. Most of the conversing is done the next morning. Nearly always you undress yourself. What goes on from now on is part of your life style and personality. Just as with fast dancing, I do not wish to give explicit instructions. But on the other hand, do not want anything unexpected to happen to you. Your partner will delight in teaching you — so I must not steal too much of his thunder, but you will definitely be expected to kiss your partner. Kissing is not at all like it is in the movies. You rarely just press lips together. Most of the time you use your tongue to explore the other’s mouth, teeth, tongue, throat, lips and the like. You can suck on your partner’s lips, tongue, etc. If you are not used to doing this with girls, then it will feel unsanitary, but after a while you will probably develop a great taste for this activity.

If your partner has stubble on his face, ask him to shave. If you do not ask him, then you face will be rubbed raw and it will likely bleed. This facial condition will raise great maternal alarm and it is very hard to explain. That is why you were so considerate and shaved with a Schick stainless steel blade — lathering twice.

(I do not own any shares in the Schick razor company, Levis, GWG, MacLeans, Lavoris, or even the B&B.)

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