But one way of hazarding a guess about the sexual inclinations of a complete stranger, is to stare him in the eye as you pass him on the street. If he is gay, he will lock eyes with you for about 3 to 6 seconds and then he will turn away and not look at you again. He may however, do a double take and look at you over his shoulder if he thought you were attractive. If he is an un-come-out gay he will look you in the eye for a fraction of a second and then look studiously in another direction. If he is straight he will look you in the eye for a fraction of a second, then will look away, but will look back to see if you are still staring and will then look away again three or four times. Gays are very aware of whether or not they are being stared at. If you are in a room of 200 gays and stare across the room at another gay, he will soon notice (even if you are a complete stranger).
Should you tell your friends that you are gay? I have told mine. Usually they are quite surprised, but none of them reacts in at any way a negative manner. Actually I am usually quite disappointed that I don’t get a stronger reaction. The first thing they usually say is You can’t be, why you look perfectly normal. This erroneous idea that gay people somehow look different is a perfectly marvelous cover for those people who don’t want anyone else to know. Thus you will find the elaborate precautions that you take to appear straight to your friends are completely unnecessary. When you get into the world you will hear about some of the absurd lengths people go to appear super-straight. You just have to sit and laugh and drop all your own fears about being found out. I would definitely advise telling at least one person that you are gay. I think that 90% of your problem is just not having someone you can talk to.
As a general rule I would not advise telling your wife. This is not an academic problem as 70% of the people over 30 who phone me are married to members of the opposite sex. The problem is almost identical to the to the one of Should I tell my wife if I commit adultery? Telling your wife will ease your conscience, but it will hurt her too much. She would be at a complete loss as to what to do — she might be able to handle another woman — but another man? Your homosexuality reflects on her femininity — she asks herself Am I so unsexy that my husband would rather sleep with a man than me? If you are married, you have promised fidelity to that one person. If you want to fool around with other men or women, you should get a divorce or be prepared to give your wife the same freedom. If you are planning on getting married to a member of the opposite sex and you have strong homosexual feelings, I can promise you and I have seen literally hundreds of broken marriages) those homosexual feelings will not go away. If you still want to get married you must tell your fiancée about your desires and let her decide if she wants to take the risk. If you do get married without telling her, I hereby curse you: abite ame in ignam aeternam qui paratus est diabelo et angelus eius.
Should you tell your parents you are gay? I have told mine, but you should think twice before following suit. Once you have decided to tell your parents, take some of your gay friends to meet them. Do not tell your parents your friends are gay. Next tell your brothers and sisters that you are gay. As a rule they will take it very easily. They will be able to help you with your parents later on. Then go to see a broad-minded friend of the family and explain to him that you are gay. He too will take it quite easily as he is not directly involved. Explain to him what a gay life is like — give him this booklet. Go with him to see whichever of your parents will more easily accept your homosexuality — usually your mother. Break the news as gently as possible but be ready for a tearful Where have I failed? Tell her all those friends you brought over were gay too. This will help her to feel you are not in the company of a grope of degenerates. If she is religious, give her Towards a Quaker view of Sex to read. She will be upset that you will not have children. So even if it is not so, lie a little and tell her that you are bisexual and that there is still a chance you may have kids. She will be afraid for you — that you will lose your job — that you will be a pariah. Tell her she does not need to protect you from police harassment as it is non existent. The younger generation (the one that you will live your life with) has a much more tolerant attitude than her generation so you will not be an outcast.
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