aging : Gay & Black Glossary


Aging is especially difficult for gay men. Gay culture worships youth and beauty. Almost any older man is referred to a troll. The gay scene welcomes young people only. Christian society has done its best to block gays from forming lasting relationships, especially marriage — the formal recognition by the entire society of the relationship. Older gay men can often find themselves completely alone and isolated if they are not careful to maintain a network of friends.

The aging gay man faces loss of status, good looks, strength, sexual prowess… These all give the ego a severe battering.

I am not the person to advise you. I handle aging quite poorly. I find the notion of sex with 60 year old men just as disgusting as I did when I was 15. I avoid going out in public. I see aging as something to be endured in return for being permitted to continue to engage in world politics. It seems every few months some new infirmity adds its insults and pain.

book cover recommend book⇒Golden Men: The Power of Gay Midlifeto book home
by Harold Kooden 978-0-380-80443-6 paperback
publisher Harper
published 2000-03-08
This book is a pep talk on why aging is not so bad. I did not find it convincing, but then I have a fairly advanced case of ageism. He makes the error of opening his book by condemning people who feel embarrassed and guilty about growing old, making it difficult for such a person to persist in reading. Yet these people are his intended audience.
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It is not all gloom. If you tackle it the right way, this aging experience teaches you realise how shallow gay society is and how shallow human games are in general. It is all so arbitrary. You develop an inner sense of worth, quite independent of how others view you. This is a much firmer foundation. There is a great sense of relief and relaxation.

You also get a chance to laugh at your younger self, dragged about by nose by your hormones. Only in later years can you see how controlled, obsessive and unfree you were. You had no choices. You were drawn to totally inappropriate partners like a moth to a flame, even when intellectually you knew you were headed for disaster.

As you age, you use your head more. You can appreciate a wider range of people. Though in my own case, nostalgia is so intense. When you are young, it feel is if you will be young forever. When you are old, it feels as if you got to be young for just a few wonderful months. The years race by faster and faster at a clip unimaginable to the young. It seems you go to bed a young man and wake up the next morning an old one.

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