©1996-2017 Roedy Green of Canadian Mind Products
These are some lessons I wish I had learned much earlier in life.
- You can’t look for a long term partner and a sexual encounter at the same
time. You must look in different places, with different techniques. For example, in a
place with loud music, it is impossible for a potential partner to get you know you.
Someone just looking for sex does not care. As a general rule, the longer you postpone
getting into bed, the longer your partner will hang around afterwards.
- When you are young, you tend to seek the best looking partner. This attractiveness
will be gone in a flash. Instead pick someone easy to live with who has no
- There are three kinds of people:
For the purposes of finding a suitable partner, studiously ignore anyone in
category 2 or 3 no matter how attractive.
- Those that like you naturally, or who would if they met you.
- Those that like you only while you are performing a mating dance with a steady
stream of compliments, gifts, entertainments and undivided attention.
- Those that will never like you, including ones who had a relationship with you
in the past and decided they did not like you after all.
- Most of your time you spend wishing for things, sometimes things you might buy, but
it could be relationships, health, physical fitness, political changes… But
think. In past, every time you achieved one of these things, the pleasure is momentary,
sometimes over in a fraction of a second and rarely lasting more than a week. So to
achieve continuous happiness this way requires some major achievement or acquisition
every couple of days. This is impossible. If you want a continuously happy life, you
must do it by learning to appreciate what is under your nose, here and now. Your
desires seductively promise happiness if you but become a slave to them, but they
- The life lesson I most wish I had learned early in life is: If your partner dumps you, that is absolute proof they were not the
one no matter how attached you feel, no matter how much you believe you could
never love another, no matter how great it used to be, no matter if the heartbreak is
the worst pain you ever felt.
P.S. Your partner did not dump you if all they did was have sex with someone else.
- Play with your food! Do this, not to be virtuous, but out of curiosity. For three
days, drop some food from your diet and pay attention to any differences. Do you have
more or less energy? Do you sleep better or worse? Do you have more or less diarrhoea?
Are you more or less constipated? Do you have more or less gas? Do you feel more or
less irritable? Foods you might consider for experimentation include: sugar, coffee,
meat, eggs, nuts, fresh fruits, orange juice, bread, pasta, corn cereals, wheat, salt,
dairy products or anything you eat a large amount of. If you notice a dramatic
improvement, that might motivate you to consider a permanent change in your diet
putting the troublesome foods on the back burner. Similarly, try adding a new food to
your diet, or increasing the amount you eat, for three days to see what happens. You
might consider salads, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, fish, vitamin supplements,
protein supplements or any of the foods I mentioned earlier to try deleting. You might
be surprised to discover that candy bar you grab to give you energy has the exact
opposite effect. No matter what happens, whether you feel better, you feel worse or
nothing at all happens, this is still useful information you can use in shaping your
future diet. Something very simple might just hugely improve your life. If you do
discover something significant, you will kick yourself for not doing this sooner.
- You have heard it a thousand times in a hundred different ways. The past cannot be
changed. The past is over. The past is frozen in liquid plastic; not a molecule can
move. Yet still you say to yourself what my mother called the saddest words in the
English language, if only. To say If
only I had taken time to… is as silly as saying If
only I had a flying pig, I could go on the Tonight Show. You cannot change the
past, though you can change your attitude to it using techniques like EMDR. You cannot change the past, though you
can learn from it and ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes in future. If
ever you catch yourself in regret, immediately reframe that to I
must make sure I never make that mistake again and let it go.
- If someone does not like you, even if they once did, give up. Even if you succeed
in temporarily getting them to like you, it will take escalating work to maintain the
relationship. Seek your partners among those who naturally like you. The rest might as
well be invisible vis a vis potential partners. Chasing after people who have rejected
you is as silly as going to the movies and waiting for some movie star to become your
partner. On the other hand, don’t presume people won’t like you just
because they are extraordinarily wonderful or beautiful. Pay attention to the objective
clues as to how well they like you, not to how well you calculate they should like you
based on your relative pecking order status. Hollywood convention is that if the girl
rejects the guy in the first reel, guaranteed they will be married in the last. Real
life does not work that way. Movies are just wishful fantasies. If it appears no one
likes you, find out why. Even a small improvement may help. Are you too clingy?, are
you always thinking about what the relationship can do for you, never for your
partner?, are you overweight?, do you have an unpleasant body or mouth odour?, do you
lack tact? You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself.
- Even if all your problems were caused 100% by your
parents it is pointless to wring your hands about the terrible hand life dealt you.
Nearly everyone heals their issues with their parents. It is just a matter of how soon
you get on with it.
- Every moment, you are consciously or unconsciously deciding what to do next. You
have some unwritten rules for deciding your priorities. You may usually do whatever
makes the most money, which will be the most fun, which will be the easiest, which will
give you the biggest rush, which will make you healthiest, most enlightened, most well
liked, most respected, the most secure, the most laid, the most powerful, the most
famous, the most feared, the best looking, the most knowledgeable etc. If you change
the rules even slightly, you will live a completely different life. Try asking
different questions. See what happens when you ask What will be
most useful to the universe?. Your priority rules are the biggest lever you have
in determining your fate. Of course, the other big controlling priority is what you
choose to spend your time thinking about.
- Do it now! Nearly all the great mathematicians and physicists did their best work
in their twenties. If you have grand dreams, realise them now. You may well not have
the energy later. Time seems to stretch endlessly ahead of you, but your life is over
in an eyeblink.
- Don’t be attached to the results of your action. Constant checking to see if
your work has born fruit just wastes time and causes discouragement. Some liken it to
digging up a seed you have planted each day to see how it is doing. Get on with
something else. Never underestimate the power of the futile gesture.
- Understating your case is more persuasive than overstating it. You supply the
facts. Let others supply the emotion. If you supply the emotion, others will take no
action, believing you must have already handled the problem.
- When you can’t get what you want, one alternative to trying harder to get it,
is to talk yourself out of wanting it so badly, at least not getting yourself upset
over it. Similarly, when people do obnoxious things, you are not obligated to get
upset. For exactly how to avoid getting upset, see Living Love.
- You can’t tell if someone is lying just by how sincere they sound. Habitual
liars are those who have polished lying to a high art. You would never suspect them
based on their look or demeanour. However, I have noticed liars tend to repeat the same
old talking points and take a little too long to answer simple questions. They have to
compose the answers first and think about if they are falling into a consistency
- The years pass faster and faster as you get older. By the time you reach puberty,
your life is half over in psychological time. Don’t procrastinate the truly
- If it sounds to good to be true, it nearly always is. Don’t waste time
looking for zero-effort ways to do things. You just set yourself up to be conned. Find
out what methods the people who actually succeeded have used.
- Think globally; act locally. Saving the world is a huge job. Yours is just a small
part. However, it is a necessary part.
- The things you worry most about almost never happen. If you don’t believe me,
start tracking them.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a
~ Rita Mae Brown (1944-11-28 age:73)
in Sudden Death
often misattributed to Benjamin Franklin.
Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that
- Other people do things that annoy you, not to annoy you, but in the usually-vain
hope that doing so will make them feel better.
- Despite the protestations of absolute Truth, there is a tremendous amount of lying
surrounding religion and spirituality.
- At many times in your life it will seem as if you have absolutely no energy or
resources. But even then you can find something you can do that will marginally improve
your lot or keep it from getting even worse than it would have naturally.
- If you are not making any progress on your big dreams, the very bigness of the
dreams may be paralysing you. Think instead, What could I do
today that would marginally improve my lot. Focus not so much on where
you want to go, but where you could go immediately from here.
- When you are coming in for a landing in a plane and your ears won’t pop and
you have a splitting headache, just plug your nose and blow gently.
- When you have dry congested nose, just snort up a bit of water to clean it
- Boiling water is a remarkable cleanser for kitchen or bathroom. It dissolves dried
on muck, kills germs, deodorises, leaving no residue or perfume or caustic chemical
- The human body is only designed to last for forty years in the wild. You must take
extraordinary care of it over your whole life if you want it to last you in comfort the
eighty or ninety we humans live now. Don’t buy into the religious notion it is
wicked to look after your body.
- While chasing after riches leads to an empty life, chasing after poverty also leads
to misery. Neither extreme is as pleasant as the fairy tales make it out to be.
- Stay as far away from alcoholics and drug users as you possibly can. I make
exception for coffee and light marijuana use. They will seriously hurt you in ways you
would never think of.
- Winning the heart of someone much more physically attractive than you can lead to
misery by several routes.
You are better off finding someone more evenly matched in beauty who enjoys the
same activities you do.
- Others will compete to woo them away.
- You may become too besotted and allow yourself to become psychologically
- Chances are they are flawed in character or some other way otherwise you would
not have been able to win them. You may find you have got yourself quite a
- You can start feeling unworthy.