A Guide For the Naïve Homosexual
page 22
The One Night Stand


The third anecdote concerns the time a straight couple — a boy and his girl friend — burst through the boors of the B&B without paying. They ran to the back of the club and sat down on the floor. The manager went over to them and asked, Will you please leave. If you don’t leave, I will have to call the police. The couple rolled with laughter. A short while later two police officers arrived at the door. They told the manager, we can’t do anything until you physically try to throw them out. If they resist, we will nail them for assault the manager explained this to the couple. Their smiles quickly turned to looks of bafflement, and they immediately left.

The only time the police would prosecute would be if there was a complaint lodged against an older man by the mother of a very young boy. These people who pester children are usually harmless hut they should not be confused with gays (who as a whole prefer people of their own age). Even chicken queens (gays who like young boys) would find it pointless to touch a buy who had not yet reached puberty.

Other cities — especially American ones — do not enjoy the same pleasant relations. In San Francisco people have become so paranoid of the entrapment techniques, that the first question I was asked every time I approached anyone was Are you a cop? The gay bars are Mafia owned, but even then the club managers have to pay off the police to avoid harassment.

The One Night Stand

One cliché you have probably heard ad nauseam is the frenetic promiscuity of the plastic gay world is a futile flight from loneliness. It is quite true that you might sleep with a different guy each week. If you were a straight guy, you might meet 100 girls, date 25 of them, go steady with 5 of them and consider marrying 2 of them. In the gay world the same thing happens, except that getting to know someone includes having a long conversation with him and sleeping with him. Most guys (if they like you) will go to bed with you on the very night you meet them. Most girls, however, will make you take them out 5 or so times first.

 Many gays have been brainwashed into believing that they are incapable of maintaining a lasting relationship. This is not true, but just because many people think they can’t stick with someone, they can’t. Among the brainwashed, you meet the thou-shalt-not-sleep-with-the-same-person-more-than- once and the if-thou-lovest-him-thou-shalt-not-let-it-show people. Some gays have an irrational terror of any permanent relationship and are instantly turned off by any sentimental display. When you are picking a guy up, you must be very careful not to fawn over him. You may let him know that you are interested, hut you must not let on that you might be hurt if he were to turn and walk off that instant.

 Sometimes you will discover that a guy you have slept with the previous weekend will completely ignore you the following one. He is just trying to tell you that he is not interested in you as a permanent lover. Sometime later he will cease ignoring you once you have taken the hint.

Gays do not consider sleeping with someone as the symbol of undying affection that some straights do — ie. Love is not screwing. Some gays cannot live by this convention and hence become miserably unhappy. Others become over-emotional and super-sensitive — seemingly constantly on the lookout for an unintended insult.

Somewhat more brutal than the one night stand is the 30 minute stand. If you go out cruising, or if you go to a steam bath, the people you meet will be looking for nothing but pure unadulterated sex. After your partner has had an orgasm he will quickly get dressed and leave — he has no interest in talking to you. People with a secure group of friends can take the occasional 3 minute stand without too much psychological damage, but the new gay who has no gay friends is frequently driven to the brink of suicide (I ought to know as I get about 3 suicide calls a week) after a succession of such encounters that are devoid of any humanity. If you are new — do not cruise and stay away from steam baths:

Permanent Relationships

In spite of appearances and all the comments about wash-and-wear wedding dresses, to the contrary, the majority of the single gays are looking for a permanent relationship. The proportion of homosexuals involved in what can reasonably called marriages is approximately 30% — none too encouraging a figure.


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