Free Range Eggs

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©1999-2012 Roedy Green, Canadian Mind Products

Introduction

The Case for Free Range Eggs.

The sadists break off their beaks. They pack them in tiny cages so tightly they cannot even turn around. They wire their feet to the floor.

Do you know who these people are? — people like you, too cheap to buy free range eggs. They buy factory eggs to save a buck. In the process they torture the chickens who provide the eggs.

The motive is not sadistic pleasure, but merely to compete with the cheapest possible eggs.

If that dollar extra is too much, try shopping in Cook Street village (in Victoria BC Canada) where free range eggs cost only $2.50 CAD a dozen, the same as factory eggs.

Chickens are not the brightest animals, but if you get to know them, they have personalities. They are affectionate. They have emotions. They don’t deserve this disgraceful treatment from you.

Finally, free range eggs are better for you. Chickens grubbing in a field are far healthier than ones trapped in filthy disease-ridden cages. It will be blindly obvious if you buy half a dozen each of free range egg and factory eggs. The free range eggs have stronger shells, are less runny, with firmer yolks, brighter colour and taste much better. You won’t want to go back even if you relish the thought of making chickens suffer.

The Meatrix: a takeoff on the movie the Matrix about the propaganda that holds factory farms in place.

Roedy’s Politically Correct Free Range Scrambled Eggs

Rhode Island Red free range brown eggs

Mandatory Ingredients

• 6 large free range (not free run) eggs. I prefer rich brown ones even though scientists say there is no difference.
• 6 tablespoons organic milk or cream.
• 1 to 2 tablespoons butter, depending on how decadent you are feeling.
• fresh ground black pepper to taste.
• half-salt (half potassium, half sodium) or sea salt to taste.

Optional Ingredients

Canadian porcelain garlic

• 2 fat garlic cloves. Regular consumers of the recipe get addicted and ask me to keep upping the garlic content. Locally grown, organic have the best flavour.
• Herbes de Provence (a mixture of southern French herbs (majoram, rosemary, thyme, sage, savory, lavender, anise) blended by McCormick).
• a copious quantity of grated cheese, any kind, even Parmesan. Please no process cheese or that plasticised stuff that looks and tastes like Silly Putty. Mozzarella is a little too chewy, but even it will do. If the cheese tastes pleasing on its own, it will almost surely work well in this recipe. If you want something tame, try Monterey Jack.
• canned asparagus
• steamed chopped asparagus (4 minutes in the microwave).
• chopped pre-cooked bacon
• chopped mushrooms
• chopped peppers (red, green, yellow, orange)
• chopped pepperoni or similar ready to eat sausage.
• chopped tomatoes
• chopped olives
• smoked wild salmon slices
• finely chopped onions
• chopped avocado
• sliced artichoke hearts
• just a pinch of turmeric, even better best fresh-grated from the root, or saffron, to enhance the yellow colour
• salsa
• chopped living basil grown in your home in an Aerogrow Aerogarden.

By varying your choice of optional ingredients each time, your family will eagerly anticipate the surprise every time you serve it. Not only does this taste delicious, it fills the air with delightful odours of anticipation. It is a bit like making a pizza.

Method

Trudeau garlic press

1. Put the butter in a frying pan and heat to medium. For an electric frying pan, set it to 160°C (320°F). I use a large, conventional, non-stick TeFal pan.
2. Either peel and finely chop the garlic cloves or squeeze them through a garlic press (I recommend the Trudeau soft handled, heavy duty garlic press. It is reasonably sturdy and easy to clean.). Brown the garlic and fill the house with anticipation of glories to come.
3. Brown your optional ingredients with the garlic, except the cheese!
4. Get some multigrain toast going and some fresh ground coffee.
5. Mix the eggs, milk, salt and pepper in a bowl. To catch the splashing, put the bowl in the sink and whip with a Braun multimix until bubbly. For extra fluffy eggs, whip the whites and yolks separately then fold together.
6. Pour the egg mixture into the butter and garlic. Keep scraping the mixture off the bottom of the pan and turning it over using a Teflon egg flipper. Don’t be too compulsive about this. The more relaxed you are, the more generous the chunks of egg will be and the more likely they will be lightly browned. You mainly want to avoid burning.
7. Alternatively, if you are in a hurry, you can cook the mixture in a microwave in two batches for about 2 minutes. This creates a fluffy but leathery result.
8. Just before the eggs are ready, toss in the grated cheese. If you put it in too soon, it will make the eggs lumpy. If you wait too long it won’t have time to melt. You will just have to learn by experience to get the timing just right. Err on the side of too late to start.
9. Don’t wait until every last drop of the liquid has congealed before taking the pan off the heat. It will continue to cook of its own accord even on the plate. It is best to serve the eggs slightly too sloppy than slightly too leathery.
10. Turn out onto buttered multi-grain, oat or flax toast. You can cut the toast up into 1 inch squares for children or to pamper adults. Serve with a mug of freshly ground fair trade coffee, and some exotic juice.

KCTS TV decided to include my recipe in their KCTS 9 Cooks With Cheese cook book. They sold it for $30.00 USD and also offered it as an incentive for pledges. Unfortunately it is no longer in print.

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