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The Conflict Process

Ken only described the conflict process on audio tapes. I don’t think I ever saw a description in print.

Sometimes you have addictions that work at cross purposes e.g.

  1. You addictively demand to eat a whole raspberry pie covered in whipped cream.
  2. You addictively demand to have a flat tummy.
  1. You addictively demand to stay with your lover.
  2. You addictively demand to leave your lover.
  1. You addictively demand to get pregnant.
  2. You addictively demand to avoid having children.
Often the two sides represents two different centres of consciousness. For example sensation and cornucopia may make you want to approach a handsome stranger, where security and power want to avoid being rejected.

Here is how to handle such a situation: Get a tape recorder and just talk for 15 minutes, explaining why you should take option 1. Get into your emotions, explaining how you would feel if you got what you wanted and how you would feel if you did not. If you have a particularly horrendous conflict, you made need more time. Take all the time you need. Then repeat arguing for option 2.

You may have than two options, or more than two points of view. Give them all a turn to say their peace.

Now listen to the tape. Try to stay in the frame of mind of option 2 when you hear yourself speaking for option 1 and vice versa.

From the point of view of option 1, treat your option 2 self as if it were a separate person. Do a conscious confrontation process. Then reverse rôle s and do a second conscious confrontation process, playing the rôle of option 2.

Usually no matter what you do, you can’t satisfy all your requirements. However, if everyone has at least had a chance to speak, they know their concerns were at least considered in deciding the best option to take. Those voices will be more willing to go along with the final decision they may not like.

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