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How To Talk Dirty In Esperanto : Kiel Paroli Maldece en Esperanto

Introduction : Enkonduko

Be warned ! This is not for prudes.

I received an anonymous essay in the mail entitled How to Talk Dirty In Esperanto. In addition to explaining the vocabulary of insults and sex, it is one of the best explanations of the grammar and suffixes I have found. I have transcribed it here and augmented its vocabulary with other sources. Not all the words in this mini dictionary are rude, but they may still be useful in sexual situations. There is much debate over the best terms. I have included all I could find, even ones grammarians would reject.

Mi ricevis anoniman eseon per posxto titolita Kiel Paroli Maldece en Esperanto. Krom esti klarigo de la vort-provizo pri insultoj kaj sekso, gxi estas unu de la plejbonaj klarigoj de la gramatiko kaj sufiksoj, kiun mi trovis. Mi transkribis ties vortareton kaj pliigis gxin per alia fontoj. Ne cxi tiuj vortoj estas malpuraj, sed ili estus utilaj en okazoj seksaj. Estas debatego pri la pli bonaj vortoj. Mi enmetis cxiujn kiujn mi povis trovi, ecx tiujn, kiujn gramatikistoj rifuzus.

Why Does this Essay Exist? : Kial Ekzistas Tia Eseo

My anonymous correspondent Brikan writes:

Some years ago (in 1972, to be exact) an article with this title appeared in the National Lampoon and caused quite a stir on campuses across the country. It was however, quite unreliable from the linguistic point of view, since the authors had no qualms about inventing items they couldn’t find in their (obviously very chintzy) dictionary. Even if you don’t wish to talk dirty in Esperanto or if you can only talk clean in it and possess the same chintzy old dictionary (which fails to list everyday items like 'cock', 'cunt', 'fuck' etc.), you may find the following has some entertainment value if not immediate practical use! (You may not, for example, know many native-speakers of the language. although they do exist! However, you might consider composing a graffito in it the next time you visit your library shithouse — you’ll be amazed at the number of racist and xenophobic comments that will evoke and who knows, you might even get a reply in Esperanto depending on the intellectual level of your present educational establishment! Or you could always impress your untravelled friends with your obviously profound grasp of another language after all, how many dirty words did you manage to pick up after years of highschool French of Spanish? The present article is we assure you, quite linguistically reliable!

What Is Esperanto : Kio Estas Esperanto

Esperanto (a.k.a. the International Language) is intended to be the common second language for all, a sort of half-way language for everybody, to be used when dealing with fucking foreign bastards who haven’t had the wit or foresight to learn our language. It was begun by Dr. L.L. Zamenhof in Poland (then Czarist Russia) in 1887 and is thus about to celebrate its centenary. There is a tremendous amount of literature available in it, even including original erotic poetry, pornography and collections of dirty jokes. There are now people who speak it (clean and/or dirty) in just about every country of the world, although it is perhaps most popular in Europe. and especially eastern Europe, where those mother-fuckers seem to be much more aware of language problems. There is even an international organization of cock-suckers and dykes who use the language. In 1985, UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation) accepted yet another resolution in favor of it, yet incredibly there are still lots of ignorant ass-holes in North America who have never heard of it. Well then, pull your finger out and your knickers up and let’s get on with it!

Pronunciation : Prononco

The language is perfectly phonetic — a letter always has the same sound and are no silent letters (as the p in swimming). Unless you have a forked tongue, no lips or a cleft uvula you shouldn’t have any problems. Pronounced just like English are: b, d, f, h, k, 1, m, n, p s t, v and z. As for: the rest, pay attention! First the vowels (a, e, i, o and u) have approximately the same sounds as in the sentence Pa, may we go too?
Esperanto Consonants and Dipthongs
aj as in 'Spanish fly'
aux or aý as in 'fat cow'
c always sound like ts in 'tits'; 'cico' (nipple) then sounds like 'tseetsoh'
cx or æ always sounds like ch in 'chomp on this, Myrtle'; [don’t mix up 'kaco' (cock), with 'kacxo' (porridge), or 'kako' (poop, do-do).
ej as in 'foreplay'
eux or eý (quite rare): just 'eh' + 'oo'
g always hard, as in 'gonorrhea' or 'gobble'.
gx or ø always soft, as in 'Jack jerked off';
hx or ¶ as in the German 'Achtung!' 'ach, vot a vopper you heff!'.
j always sounds like an English y, as in 'yoni'
jx or ¼ always soft, as in 'massage parlor', or 'pleasure pit'
oj as in 'joint'.
oux or oý (even rarer): English 'po' would be spelled as 'poux' in Esperanto.
r always rolled or flapped, as in French 'merde' or Spanish 'mierda'
sx or þ always as in 'shit' or 'shovel'
uj as in 'oh tsk it’s all gooey!'
Well, was that really so hard? And the stress is always on the next to the last syllable.

You can learn punctuation on the Internet via sound files.

Grammar : Gramatiko

Esperanto has the easiest grammar in the world. If you can’t grasp this, you must be really fucking dumb and/or else you spent too much time wanking in your grade 8 English classes. Memorise these basic rules and you’ll have no trouble with the language. All Esperanto words consist of a root + an ending. The root gives the meaning of the word and the ending tells you what part of speech it is. nothing could be simpler and there are no exceptions! Read these explanations a couple of times, then study the examples.
Part of Speech Ending Notes
nouns (root) + o(n) All singular nouns end in +o (if they are subjects) or +on (if they are direct objects.
(root) + oj(n) All plural nouns end in +oj (if they are subjects) or +ojn (if they are direct objects.
verbs (root) + i infinitive, e.g. mangxi = to eat, sucxi = to suck. The verb endings never change to agree with singular or plural etc. as in French or spanish.
(root) + as present
(root) + is past
(root) + os future
(root) + us conditional
(root) + u imperative
adverbs (root) + e bone = good, well, rapide = quickly.
Esperanto English
Sxekspiro sucxas bone. Shakespear sucks well.
Kaco estas bona ilo. A cock is a good instrument.
Mia fratino mangxis mian viandon. My sister ate my meat.
Lia onklino ne mangxas varman viandon. His aunt doesn’t eat hot meat.
Grandaj mamoj estus belaj. Big tits would be beautiful.
Sandra lekas fratajn kojonojn. Sandra licks brother’s (fraternal) balls.
Sandra lekos haran pugtruon. Sandra will lick a hairy ass-hole. Fektruon is shithole, preferred by Non-Engish speakers.
Fiku vian patrinon rapide. Fuck your mother quickly.
If you have studied these examples carefully enough, you should now be able to say (among other things): My beautiful cock will be big. His balls are hot. Your aunt licked big tits well. A hairy instrument would be beautiful. Shakespear fucked my beautiful sister. Suck his hot cock quickly! Lick beautiful tits!

Affixes : Afiksoj

One extremely useful means of word-building in Esperanto is through the use of affixes (prefixes and suffixes) stuck straight onto your root. Let’s try out a few.
Affix Meaning
(root) + acx decrepit, contemptible: putinacxo = decrepit old whore, kacacxo = tired old prick.
(root) + ad frequent, continous action: fikadi = to go on fucking, lekado = the process of licking.
(root) + ant Present participle active: fikanto = male person fucking now.
(root) + ar collection, a group of: picxaro = a group of cunts, prepuciaro = a collection of foreskins.
(root) + at Present participle passive: fikato = male person being fucked now.
(root) + eg + a/o Makes a thing bigger and how!: kacego = big cock, cicegoj = big tits, varmega = very hot, sucxegi = to suck like mad, bonege = very well, excellently
ek + (root) sudden or beginning action: ekpisi = to begin to piss, ekfurzego = sudden big fart.
(root) + ej place for/of: fikejo = a place for fucking, picxejo = place for cunts, where cunts are.
(root) + er portion of: fekerego = a great turd, cxurero = drop of cum.
(root) + et  Makes a thing smaller, sorry: kaceto = little cock, ileto = small instrument, mangxeti = to nibble, eat a little bit, hareta = slightly hairy, piseti = to piss a little.
fi + (root) morally bad: fiparoli = to talk dirty, fibugroto = depraved male about to be buggered.
(root) + il + o is an instrument for doing something with: fikilo = fucker, a thing to fuck with, mangxilo = an implement to eat with, e.g. knife, fork, spoon, chopstick, finger, lekilo = licker, a thing to lick with, hareta = slightly hairy.
(root) + in + o is the feminine suffix: patrino = mother, patro = father, onklino = aunt. You know what sister is, so how would you say brother?
(root) + int Past participle active: fikinto = male person who has fucked.
(root) + ist + o habitual or professional: midzistino = professional cock suckeress, as opposed to midzantino who is doing it right now. cxuristo, habitual wanker.
(root) + it Past participle passive: fikito = male person who has been fucked.
(root) + mal + a/o the opposite of, with no connotation of bad or wrong: bela = beautiful, malbela = ugly, rapide = quickly. mangxi = to eat, malmangxi = to shit,
(root) + ont Future participle active: lekonto = male person about to lick.
(root) + ot Future participle passive: lekoto = male person about to be licked.
(root) + uj container of: kacujo = jock strap, cock pouch, cxurujeto = little scumbag.
(root) + unt conditional participle active: fekunto = male person who would shit [if only…].

Practice : Ekzerco

So now you, with a little help from the clean and dirty vocabulary lists, should be able to handle these sentences: That’s really not bad for a beginner! Just think what you could do after a few hour’s study!

Vocabulary : Vortareto

aj ouch
akselo armpit
ambauxseksema bisexual
amori to make love, have sex
anuso anus
anusulo asshole (person)
atleta athletic
bugri to bugger, fuck in the ass
cico nipple
cxuri (cxuri sin) to jerk off
cxiesulino prostitute, whore
cxuro come, cum, jism
damne damned
dauxra lasting
dika thick
ekshibiciulo exhibitionist
fek Shit! (interjection)
fekado the act of shitting
fekajxo droppings, shitty thing
fekero turd, piece of shit
feki to shit
feko shit, faeces
fektruo shithole, asshole
fendo crack, slit
fikadi to go on fucking.
fikantino female fucking now
fikanto male fucking now
fikatino female being fucked now
fikato male being fucked now
fiki to fuck
fikintino female who has fucked
fikinto male who has fucked
fikitino female who has been fucked
fikito male who has been fucked
fikontino female who is about to fuck
fikonto male who is about to fuck
fikotino female who is about to be fucked
fikoto male who is about to be fucked
fikuntino female who would fuck
fikunto male who would fuck
fikutino female who would be fucked
fikuto male who would be fucked
fingrumi to masturbate
forfikigxi to fuck off
forta vigorous
frandzi to perform cunnilingus on
frapeti flick
frapi hit
froti to rub
furzi to fart
furzo fart
gadmeso dildo
geja gay. Not derogatory.
glano head of cock, knob
hara hairy
harega very hairy
hareta slightly hairy
huj ouch
kacego big cock
kaceto little cock
kaco-sucxi to suck cock
kaco cock
kacujo jock strap
kaki to poop, make do-do
kisi to kiss
klabo club, whopper, dong, whang
kojonoj balls
kondomo condom
korpulenta fat
kreteno an idiot, a moron
kurba literally bent. It is derogatory British slang for gay
leki to lick
liki to dribble, leak
longa long
magra lean
malcxastulino a slut
maldika thin
mallonga short
malmola hard
malpli less
malrapide slowly
malseka wet
malstreta loose
malvarma cold
mam-pinto nipple
mamo breast, boob, knocker, headlight
masagxi to massage
masturbi to jerk off
merdo shit
midzi to suck cock
mola soft
mordegi bite hard
mordeti nibble
mordi bite
naz-muko snot
onani to jerk off (oneself)
onanigi to jerk off (someone else)
ovoj eggs, balls
patrinfikulo motherfucker
peniso penis
picxo cunt
picxo-leki to lick cunt
pisi to piss
pizango whopper, big banana, plantain
pli more
postajxo behind, bottom
prepucio foreskin
publikulino prostitute, whore
pubo pubic hair
pugo bum
putinfilacxo son of a bitch
putino whore, tart
rapide rapidly
razita clean-shaven
rektumo rectum
rigida rigid
ronda round
samseksema homosexual
seka dry
seksumi to fuck (intransitive), to copulate
sid-vangoj ass-cheeks
skroto scrotum
sodomii to have anal sex (intransitive)
sodomiigi to sodomize, fuck in the arse (transitive)
spili to bore, screw
streta tight
sucxi to suck
sxmaci to kiss noisily, smack lips
sxpruci to spurt, shoot
umbiliko belly button
vagineto small vagina
vagino vagina
varma hot
viando meat
vipi to whip
volupta lewd, horny
voluptama lewd, horny

Dictionary : Vortaro

You should be able to find a complete list of these and other affixes in any decent Esperanto grammar or dictionary in your local library or bookstore. Just ask the librarian where the dics are. If the response is not satisfactory, threaten to get your own. Then, next time you’re there, take it out and show it to him/her.
book cover recommend book⇒Esperanto Dictionaryto book home
by John C. Wells 978-0-8442-3764-0 paperback
birth 1939-03-11 age:79
publisher Contemporary
published 1992-08
John C. Wells’ classic compact book It contains a concise explanation of Esperanto grammar. Professor Wells has a home page.
Australian flag abe books anz abe Canadian flag
German flag abe Canadian flag
German flag Chapters Indigo Canadian flag
Spanish flag Chapters Indigo eBooks Canadian flag
Spanish flag abe American flag
French flag abe American flag
French flag Barnes & Noble American flag
Italian flag abe Nook at Barnes & Noble American flag
Italian flag Kobo American flag
India flag Google play American flag
UK flag abe O’Reilly Safari American flag
UK flag Powells American flag
UN flag other stores
Greyed out stores probably do not have the item in stock. Try looking for it with a bookfinder.
A good one is John C. Wells’ Esperanto Dictionary. At least he gives most of these words in the Esperanto to English. section, but not in the English to Esperanto half. Failing that, look up Esperanto your local telephone book and give them a call. However, we wouldn’t recommend trying out your newly acquired linguistic abilities on them, even though most Esperanto-speakers are usually pretty broad-minded!

Practice : Ekzerco

Now for some more practice:
  1. Saluton, furzujacxo. Kie estas via bela pisujeto hodiaux? Cxu gxi estas en la onklina fekejo?
    Hello old fart-bag! Where is your beautiful little piss-pot today? Is it in the aunt’s shithouse?
  2. Ne insultu min tiel, vi malbela picxvizagxo. Gxi ne estas tie, sed sur la malpura kacujaro.
    Don’t insult me thus, you ugly cunt-face. It is not there, but on the dirty pile of jockstraps.
  3. Cxu profesoro X midzas mortintajn kaprojn, kiel oni skribis en la pisejo?
    Does professor X. blow dead goats, as one wrote in the piss-house?
  4. Atentu al la elefantaj fekeregoj! Ili ankoraux vaporas sub la argxenta luno.
    Watch out for the huge elephant turds! They still steam under the silvery moon.
  5. Sxia picxeto estas varma kaj malseka, kaj gxi atendas vian sxprucontan pizangon.
    Her little cunt is warm and wet and it awaits your about-to-shoot dong.
  6. La harega fikunto sxprucis la cxuron sur la fratinan umbilikon. [sur + -n = onto]
    The very hairy would-be-fucker shot the cum onto the sister’s belly-button.
    [Compare the difference between Feku en vian cxapelon and Feku en via cxapelo. Both mean Shit in your hat, but the former is Shit into your hat, while the latter is Shit while wearing your hat].
  7. Mi pisas sur vin kaj vian dikpugan amikinon, vi hundarcxuristacxo!
    I piss onto you and your fat-assed girl-friend, you disgusting habitual dog-pack wanker!
  8. Sxi leketos la malmolegan fratan kacegon, gxis la rugxega glano sxprucos cxureregojn.
    She will lightly lick the brother’s rock hard horse-cock, till the very red knob will shoot big cum-drops.
  9. Ho, kamelfurzegoj! La putinarejo kaj la cxurejo estas hodiaux sxlositaj. Ve al mi!
    Oh giant camel farts! The whore-house and the jerk-off establishment are locked up today. Woe is me!
    (i.e. giant farts, not farts of giant camels, which would be kamelegfurzoj)
Getting Started With Esperanto : Kiel Komenci Esperanto
Kanada Esperanto-Asocio

Good Bye : Adiaux

For obvious reasons the authorship of this introductory lesson must remain discreetly anonymous!
Farewell, fair reader! We hope you have been entertained, if not edified and can now talk dirty in Esperanto. N.B. It is also possible to talk clean in this language and we hope you will try that too! Now, go and wash you mouth out, you evil pervert. ~ brikan

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