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Christian Apology


My friend Darwin Bedford, the atheist messiah, at suggested that people should compose the apology they want to hear from the Christians. Here is mine. It would be nice to hear Pope Benedict read it on behalf of all Christians.

I apologise for promoting a superstition/speculation as if it were a manifest truth. I had my doubts about it, but I closed my mind to reason. I thought I was doing the right thing. I refused to look at the harm it had caused and continues to cause. Please forgive my religion:

  1. For burning gay people at the stake and continuing the condemnation that we knew perfectly well would lead to events like the Matthew Shepard crucifixion on the fence.
  2. For justifying slavery by salving the consciences of the slave owners, feeding them twaddle that somehow the myth of activities of Noah’s sons justified it. By our inaction, the attitudes of slave owners live on today as racism.
  3. For oppressing the poor of the earth encouraging them to endure oppression from political and financial tyrants.
  4. For torturing so many millions, Jew, Muslim, Wicca… just because they fell for a different myth than we did.
  5. For interfering in so many ways with birth control. We feel infinitely ashamed of way this attempt to increase the number of the faithful has turned the earth into a tree stripped bare by caterpillars.
  6. For suppressing observable scientific truth when it conflicted with the Bible. Instead of God/Truth, we worshiped the Bible, which we knew full well was the work of men. Clearly this was idolatry. Further, we used all manner of deceit in this suppression.
  7. For making people feel guilty for having perfectly normal sexual urges, heterosexual and homosexual.
  8. For lying to people that the money we collected was for God. We knew that God did not approve of opulence. That was to satisfy our vanity.
  9. For misleading so many people into concern for appearances and petty rules that don’t really matter, such as Sunday shopping and eating fish on Friday. The flock followed the minutiae and in the process forgot the big rule, love everyone.
  10. For telling people that God would clean up after us, that we could use the oceans as a toilet if we chose because we were God’s chosen animal. We mislead people into treating every other species with utter contempt, even those nobler than he.
  11. For harbouring and covering up for paedophiles who abused their religious authority to terrify children into having sex with them.

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