Traditionalists

Traditionalists are a fictitious Christian sect. They follow the bible completely literally. Further, they refrain from doing anything not explicitly permitted in the bible. So for example:

• They are nearly always polygamous.
• They indulge in incest, but do not talk about it.
• They stone homosexuals to death.
• The best entertainment is raping and killing children.
• They kill anyone who a not a traditionalist.
• They must kill everyone in a village where a non-Christian lives.
• Instead of engagement, they use rape to arrange marriages.
• They smash garden gnomes and flamingos on neighbours’ lawns.
• They kill people for eating lobster.
• They smash the artwork of any other culture.
• They kill people for working in their gardens or driving their cars on Sunday.
• They refuse to use toilets, toilet paper or indoor plumbing.
• They refuse to use cars, busses, trains, airplanes, horse or dog carts. Camels, oxen and goats are permissible.
• They refuse to eat sushi, pizza, chow mein, pasta or Yorkshire pudding.
• They refuse to buy things in stores or on-line. They shop only in outdoor markets.
• They refuse to use telephones or any electronic devices.
• They refuse to use antibiotics or other medicines.
• Dentistry is done by removing teeth with small rocks.
• Surgery is forbidden, unless done without anaesthesia.
• They refuse to use elevators.
• Only organic ropes and cables.
• Churches must be constructed without nails or iron girders.

Almost all Christians claim the bible is 100% correct and that they at least attempt to follow all its commandments, but as you can see from the list above, none of them are completely Traditionalist. They ignore almost everything except harassing gay people.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:70)