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TV Idiocy


So much drivel, especially in commercials, oozes from the television. At first glance it may even sound profound. However, if you have a closer look, it is utter nonsense. I would like to hold some of this idiocy up to ridicule.


Slogan Who Discusssion
If you have done one thing you have done something. Land Rover Thank you Land Rover for explaining the meaning of something; I never would have guessed. But what has it got to do with all terrain vehicles?
Pro Vitamins   What pray tell are amateur vitamins?
We never forget it’s your money. Scudder Investments One would hope at the very least Scudder would have competent accountants capable of tracking whose money was whose. Perhaps they are being exceptionally truthful, warning you that they are careless with the investments since its not their money they are investing.
Serving one customer at a time. The Royal Bank Here the Royal Bank is exaggerating the length of the queues in the branch offices and for automated teller machines. Surely the entire Royal Bank is capable of serving more than one customer at any given instant.
Our sports utilities vehicles are are environment friendly. They emit 38% fewer emissions than required by the government. Ford Motor Company However, an SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle) still pollutes four times as much as an ordinary vehicle. Ford is hell bent and destroying the environment by selling people SUVs (Sport Utility Vehicles) to use for ordinary commuting.
Interest rates will never drop to zero. Ditech Funding Most reassuring to learn that my Ditech loan is guaranteed not now, or any time in the future to be free.
You even sleep with us. Starwood Hotels These series of ads have a double-entendre in totally the wrong place. It is gauche to bring it up in the context of taking your family to a hotel. The play on words is juvenile.
Our stains never take a day off. Thompson Waterseal As if the competitor’s products failed to seal every Sunday.
Length does matter. Godzillathon Here is a series of double-entendres in the wrong place. It is gauche to bring it up in the context of a family movie. The play on words is juvenile.
the jerk MSN (Microsoft Network) MSN takes the cake for the most counter-productive commercials. In one a loser employee who plays solitaire all day on his machine ineptly pretends to be working when he gets an email warning him of the boss’s approach. Who wants to be associated with a dork like that? In another commercial, a sadistic dweeb repeatedly squirts cold water into the announcer’s crotch. It is one of the most truthful ads ever done. MS treats its customers with sadistic glee.
oil for your conscience Rover If you have done anything you have done something. Thank-you Rover for explaining the meaning of anything. What a mindless tautology!

Syntax and Pronunciation Mangling

Professional TV Announcers murder the English language. Even national ones like Stone Philips, who should know better, speak like a hill billy. Here are some examples of the pronunciation and syntax errors common to TV newscasters:
As stated Corrected
axed asked
senner centre
Columbine Columbine
Compact Compaq
kewpon coupon
enthused enthusiastic
excaped escaped
Febuary February
heenious heinous
I done seen I had seen
I’ll pour me a glass of lemonade. I’ll pour myself a glass of lemonade.
I seen I saw
I saw the gunman?
With a rising pitch interrogatory tone as if she were asking for confirmation of her observation.
I saw the gunman.
I saw the gunman, ok? I saw the gunman.
Like, I saw the gunman.
After the manner of Maynard G. Krebs’ speech impediment.
I saw the gunman.
I wish that was true I wish that were true
nucular nuclear
Please pass me them there socks. Please pass me those socks.
relator realtor
Chooseday Tuesday
twenny twenty
Vangcouver Vancouver
You done real good. You did really well.

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