©1996-2017 Roedy Green of Canadian Mind Products
To my ears, pop music over the year 2015 has become
intolerably bad. Here is what I think the composers are doing that is making it so
How To Write Bad Music
- Set your drum machine with no more than 5 beats per bar.
Start it up and do not vary the tempo or volume throughout the piece.
- Make your drum intro at least 16 bars long.
- Listen to some children singing an octave above their natural range. Make sure you
include that effect.
- Drunk sing. Let your mouth flop open, and sing without closing it. Mumble. Hold a
few swallows of water in your mouth to make sure you are unintelligible enough.
- On your synthesiser, prefer buzzes and beeps for your voices.
- Repeat the same words exactly the same way for the whole song and sing the same one or two bars unmodified for the entire
- Sing through your nose.
- Warble your voice no matter what the subject.
- Avoid correct grammar.
- Affect a Texas or other red state accent.
- Give people advice that would cause any psychologist to pull out his hair, e.g.
- Avoid harmonies.