Environmental Vandalism


There are two kinds of environmental vandalism: type 1 and type 2. Type 1 vandalism are actions that deliberately and needlessly damage the environment. Type-2 vandalism are the retaliatory actions of eco-terrorists against type-1 vandals.


Type 1 Vandalism Type 2 Response
Purchasing an SUV (Sport Utility Vehicle) and then using it primarily for commuting a single passenger to work. Spray painting slogans on SUVs (Sport Utility Vehicles) to tease the owners for trying to bolster their masculinity by purchasing such a vehicle. Drilling small holes in the vehicles and inserting foul-smelling mercaptans to make the vehicles unusable.
Going to a national park and tossing McDonald’s litter out the car window. In the dead of night, dumping several tons of McDonald’s litter in the culprit’s front yard. Sending a photo of the original crime to the local newsmedia so they wake up the occupants early in the morning for a comment.
Dumping toxic waste into the storm sewers. Breaking into the culprit’s house and destroying his wine and brandy collection by inserting dead fish into each bottle and resealing them.
Failing to take precautions to prevent an oil spill. Taking pesticide sprayers and spraying the culprit’s house and grounds with a fine mist of oil. Pouring crude oil over the interiors of his automobiles.
Sacrificing a whale in a revival of primitive religions. Harpooning a human whale sacrificer to a tree in a similar burst of ancient religious revival spirit.
Fish farming that leaves behind salmon feces meters deep to infect wild species. Burying some valuable object owned by the fish farmer in salmon feces.
Killing a bear for its gall bladder, based on the superstition that it will increase potency. Removing a poacher’s gall bladder and feeding it to a bear as he watches to see if the reverse is also true.
Polluting rivers with feedlot cow feces. Throwing packets of cow feces wrapped to ressemble meat into the freezers of supermarkets that carry that packer’s products.
I find it quite strange that humans will happily murder each other for the most inconsequential reasons — e.g. that one belongs to a slightly different tribe, language group or religion, but we refuse to even be impolite to those literally killing us with their attacks on the environment. I also find it odd that nearly everyone considers eco-vandalism a far more serious crime than the corresponding crime against the environment it was meant to protest. This is illogical when you consider the total harm from each crime. Let me conclude by making it clear I consider the acts both in the left and right columns of the table crimes.

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