©1996-2017 Roedy Green of Canadian Mind Products
I don’t have pet peeves; I have whole kennels of irritation.
~ Whoopi Goldberg (1955-11-13 age:62)
Peeves are personal irritations out of proportion to the provocation. Here are mine.
- Wall to wall Christmas music the whole month of December, on the radio, in the stores.
- If anyone says either narrative or moving forward, my ears have an overwhelming urge to flap
To me a brewery smells like a beach littered with dead wildlife. Beer smells like a clogged sink
crossed with a clogged toilet.
It absolutely baffles me how many people like these odours. Perhaps they would eat dog feces too if they were laced with ethanol.
It all sounds the same. It is so phony, people faking stupidity, hillbilly accents and
mindless hillbilly concerns. In particular, I hate Canadian country music where well-educated Canadians mimic the
way uneducated American southerners speak. The songs are mindlessly repetitive. The performers pretend to be
drunks who engage only in abusive relationships. It is just so phony.
Other than people who kill, torture and maim children, the people I find most repulsive
are ardent Christians. Everything about the religion is revolting. To start, its bible is almost completely
false. It is a giant multi-generational con, where charlatans bilk money out of the poor, ignorant and gullible
with kitschy magic trinkets and hollow promises. It teaches intolerance and wilful ignorance as virtues. It is an
institution whose primary purpose is physical, sexual and mental child abuse. It a celebration of stupidity. Then
there is the irrational homophobia and the persecution of gays. Even its music is treacle (except classical and
black gospel). This goes well beyond a peeve. It is white hot fury. I would like Christianity to vanish from the
face of the earth. People should be kind to each other, not just pretend to be one day of the year. Christianity
is like tobacco, filthy but addictive. It exploits every human failing.
including email and newsgroup spam.
- Touch screens you have to whack hard to make them pay attention.
- Music made up of a single phrase repeated endlessly without variation.
- A Tribe Called Red. They are indescribably awful like cats being tortured. I created a genre for
them I call gitmo.
- Vocal frying. Often affected by teenage females. They use a low pitch fracking register. The net effect is like
some octogenarian dying of throat cancer. It is often combined with emphasising and elongating random syllables.
These affections have now reached 30 year olds. I can barely stand to listen to an under
thirty females on the radio.
As a poet, there is only one political duty and that is to defend one’s language from
~ Wystan Hugh Auden (1907-02-21 1973-09-29 age:66)
This was my Mom’s biggie too, so I came by it honestly. Speech is for clear communication. The rules of
pronunciation are arbitrary and there is no reason they should not change but changes should enhance
intelligibility and they should not create exceptions to phonetic spelling without valid justification. As
English becomes the world international language, it is especially important to work toward standard
pronunciation with as close a match between written and verbal forms. When people pronounce sloppily, dropping or
changing letters, they are attempting to evolve the language in the opposite direction into incompatible regional
dialects, with ever more complex pronunciation rules. I think one should endeavour to enunciate clearly. In
particular, errors in pronunciation that make English even less than phonetic that it already is grate. Shifting
vowels slightly cause no problem, but dropping letters or collapsing two letters onto the same sound does.
Perhaps when people are just learning to speak they mispronounce words and parents encourage them to err because
they think it cute. Some of the common errors that set my teeth on edge include:
- a-ssess’-i-ble instead of ak-sess’-i-ble for accessible.
- axe-i-denl instead of axe-i-den-tal for accidental.
- ay-yend, two syllables, instead of and.
- fer instead of for.
- heen-e-ous instead of hay-nous for
- ex-pir-i-mint instead of ex-per-i-meant.
- air-ee-ahhhs instead of air-ee-as for areas and other valley girl isms — extending
a vowel and trailing off the pitch part way through, especially grown women affecting the accent and even worse
professional announcers pretending to be ditzy preteens. My ears bleed when I hear that affectation, especially
when males do it. The other part of the affectation is to tighten the throat to create a raspy low-frequency
vibration, like someone ill. Caitlin
Dewey of the Washington Post has one of the most grating voices I have ever heard. Every year the
affectation invades yet another age range.
- axed instead of asked.
- berry instead of bury and vice
- bawdle instead of bottle.
- kin instead of can.
- Keneda instead of Canada
- senner instead of senter for
- koodint instead of kood-int for
- koent instead of cood-nt for
- expirimint instead of experiment.
- kewpon instead of koopon for
- krizmuz instead of kristmass for
Christmas, literally Christ’s mass. If the Christ in the word offends you, don’t
use the word at all.
- die-ya instead of day
- dint instead of didn’t.
- dennis instead of dentist.
- doo-rable instead of dyurable for
- excaped instead of escaped.
- expirimint instead of experiment.
- femily instead of family.
- Febuary instead of February. Even professional announcers like Jim Lehrer blow this one. I almost never
hear it pronounced correctly.
- feud instead of food.
- fordy instead of forty.
- git instead of get.
- heighth instead of height.
- ar-je like the French je, instead of hours.
- ee-if instead of if.
- in-sur-ance instead of insurance.
- eye-rack instead of ee-rack for Iraq.
- fil-um instead of film.
- key-yids instead of kids.
- lawndrymat instead of lawndro-mat for
- lil instead of little.
- lookin instead of looking and all
- lugzury instead of lucksury for
- miltry instead of military
- meer instead of mirror.
- mah instead of my.
- nooz instead of nyewz for
- new-kew-lur instead of new-klee-are for nuclear. Dinosaur enviro-cretins George W. Bush
and the late ex-Alberta Premier Ralph Klein share this mispronunciation.
- nauuuuuught instead of not.
- poe-leese instead of po-leese for police.
- pri’-or-ize instead of pri-or’-i-tise.
- rot instead of right.
- say-ull instead of sail for
- samwige instead of sandwich.
- ser-yus-ly instead of ser-i-ous-ly.
- should-int instead of shouldn’t.
- stow-ah instead of store.
- ta instead of too for to. This
started in Texas and is spreading everywhere. Even President Obama and Rachel Maddow do it.
- toadally instead of totally.
- chooseday instead of tiuseday for
- sumpthin instead of something
- toon instead of tune.
- worshington instead of Washington
- wadder instead of water.
- winner instead of winter.
- wool instead of we’ll or
will for we’ll or will
- wuhnt instead of wouldn’t.
- yers instead of yores for
- People who misuse the word challenge. A challenge is something you voluntarily take on to test
your skills or stretch your limits. Morons use it for physical or mental disability, being bullied or any
disaster in general.
- Song lyrics with the words don’t know nothing or other double
- People, when they speak publicly, insert long pauses into the middle of their sentences in a vain attempt to sound profound.
- Professional radio announcers like Candy Palmater who mispronounce every third word.
- People who use the word surreal to describe events as ordinary as winning a race.
- I know it has become a clich�, but when people swell your head with praise and honours you are anything but
humbled. You are humbled when people make a fool of
you, or make clear your impotence and inadequacy via their accomplishments.
- Affected phony country grammar e.g. them for those, no for any (double
negative), seen for saw, dropping 'g’s especially in music lyrics.
- Children’s programming that teaches incorrect grammar and pronunciation or obnoxious behaviour.
- The word narrative.
- The word space used to mean other than the room between stars and room to swing your arms. People
like to use it in the mathematical sense for all manner of things with no relation to mathematics.
- People who display dates in MM-DD-YY, DD-MM-YY or YY-MM-DD format and presume everyone knows what they
mean, as if everyone did their dates that way. Use ISO (International Standards Organisation)
format YYYY-MM-DD which is obvious even to people unfamiliar with it.
- Female singers who warble every word.
- Singers who affect a hillbilly accent.
- Singers who mumble or otherwise distort their voices so you can’t make out the lyrics.
- Programming aimed at teens that teaches them ways to show off that are tantamount to suicide.
- Professional announcers who make no attempt to pronounce people’s names or places correctly. That is
their job — announcing. With the Internet, there is no excuse for phonetic butcherings of foreign names
- Singers who affect illiterate accents and bad grammar.
- People who talk through their nose, especially when they elongate random words, especially when they affect
boredom or contempt.
- Websites that solicit comments from the public, that demand authors use an ad-hoc, hare-brained, proprietary
markup language instead of HTML (Hypertext Markup Language).
- Using the word inform as a generic meaningless verb, or to mean influence rather meaning
to provide information.
Pantene model Maria Menounos’ voice
It makes my ears bleed. It is the audio equivalent of gum
chewing with your mouth open. She is beautiful to look at but excruciating to listen to.
These are boring, cheaply made and taking over. I mean shows like Celebrity Dumpster Diving,
Closeout Shoe Sale, The Biggest Garage Sale In The World, World’s Filthiest Bathroom, Let’s Paint
That Fence, Trash Talk Yo Mamma, Bimbo Pajama Party, Competitive Lawn Mowing, Christian Drug Dealer, Tail that
Whore, Breaking Stuff, Blowing Stuff Up, Killing Things, Tupperware Party, Let’s Bully Some Poor
Dodge Truck voice
The Dodge truck announcer sounds as if he has a cold. He sounds like a little boy
trying to sound big and tough by running his voice through a frequency shifter. He reeks inauthenticity.
Nutrisystem spokesperson Marie Osmond’s voice
could be used to pulverise concrete. She goes out of
her way to butcher the pronunciation of nearly every word.
Spelling requires memorisation. It should be phonetic. Modify the pronunciation to fit
the spelling or vice versa. Failing that at least be consistent, e.g. According to the Oxford dictionary the
proper spelling is: erasable, writable but rechargeable,
Online stores refuse to tell you that they will not ship to Canada, do not take PayPal, only sell to
businesses… only after you have filled your shopping cart and filled out your billing and
shipping data. They gain nothing by this. It is pure spite.
I detect nearly all commercials. There are a few exceptions such as the brilliant, original
delights from J.G. Wentworth, Geiko and Hyundai Sonata. The problem is primarily the lies, general phoniness,
non-sequiturs and deception. The mindless repetitive proto-music drives me nuts. The deliberate mangling of
grammar and pronunciation tempts me to go postal. The actors behave in ways that would tempt murder with their
grossness, mindless fretting and petty concerns if we encountered each other in person. Commercials for lipstick,
hair dye and cosmetics are extremely obnoxious because the models mindlessly screech, primp, flounce and sneer
contemptuously, as if to say I’m beautiful and you’re not. I can’t
stand the women with those pneumatic collagen lips that look like a twitching hemorrhoidal anus. Truck
commercials are even more obnoxious with the implication that trashing the environment in a truck proves how much
testosterone you have. They are so silly like little boys playing tough by faking deep voices.
The growling accent
Affected by young women in commercial such as Dr. Scholl’s flats and Serta
iComfort mattresses. A variant is the raspy throat cancer accent, which, I think is supposed to be perceived as
The Manic Loon
airhead who shrieks in Clairol Nice ’n Easy commercials.
The Mud Lady
airhead conceited bitch in the Swiffer commercials. I have many a time fantasised her
Depictions of women
especially in commercials. They are almost always depicted as stupid, or pretending
to be stupid, obsessed with trivia, with a moth-like attraction for shoes and clothes. I could not stand to be
alone in room with such a person. Why do straight males find these idiotic mannequins appealing?
My biggest peeve with my roommate is repackaging partly used comestibles in small unlabeled
containers squirreled away randomly somewhere in the kitchen wherever there is room never to be used again.
Some of the common errors that grate include:
- if I was Prime Minister instead of if I were Prime Minister.
- Let us create space for dialog instead of let’s talk.
- I seen the dog instead of I saw the dog.
- I eat healthy food instead of I eat healthful food. A healthy tomato is one, possibly
loaded with pesticides, but without plant diseases.
between strangers, e.g. i wanna and gimme. I have no problem with it between
lovers who create a bond with special pair-only vocabulary. I cringe every time I see that word wanna in
the newsgroups. The police once sent me a man who was molesting his 10 year old son to
see if I could talk him out of it. No matter what I said, he just whined, but I
wanna. He had the emotional age of a 4 year old. Katy Perry affects an infantile
idiot way of speaking as do perhaps 10% of women under 30.
when not cellphone texting.
When I write to an author, perhaps of a computer program, a website, or a map explaining
that some of his wording is ambiguous and his hence confusing, with suggested clear wording, 90% of the time they write back and tell me what they intended, (which I already figured out) and
leave it at that. What is more upsetting is they assert that the original wording is perfectly clear (if you look
at it in some idiosyncratic light). I try to explain that the reader, not the writer, is the expert on what is
confusing. Sometimes they point out I am the only one who wrote to complain. They see this as an indicator of my
stupidity not that other people presumed the author was too clueless and sloppy to bother with.
The use of vocabulary than tries to pretend people don’t die, e.g.
at peace, bit the big one, bit the dust, burning in
hell, checked in to the Hotel California, climbed the golden staircase, crossed
over, crossed the bar, departed, eternal rest, expired, fallen, gave up the
ghost, gone away, gone to another plane of existence, gone to the unknown country, gone to be with Jesus,
gone to heaven, gone, got his halo, had a good death, had a peaceful death, has
left the building, he cashed in his chips, his body wore out, his heart gave
out, in eternal sleep, is enjoying eternal rest, is in paradise, is in the
loving arms of Jesus, is with Jesus, kicked the bucket, laid to rest, late (as
in the late Fred Phelps), left his body, left this earth, met his maker, no
longer with us (this one is accurate), passed (like a kidney stone in the urethra of life), passed away, passed on, passed over,
passing, paid his debt to nature, pushing up daisies, R.I.P., reached the end of
the line, rest in peace, rests in eternal peace, returned to dust, rode off into
the sunset, shuffled off this mortal coil, was taken, we lost him, went the way
of all flesh, went to meet his maker…
who refer to distinguished female guests much older than they are as you guys
especially ones who try to convince me of their crackpot ideas by claiming God spoke to them
Christians who thank god
when they win an athletic, talent or beauty contest, as if God were petty enough
to rig these trivial contests, play favourites and pick vain twits like them for special favour. Those that
survive a tornado and thank their god for killing their neighbours but sparing them make me sick.
People who claim they have no personal responsibility
for their military actions.
People who litter
Singers who pretend to be illiterate Texans.
ATVs (All Terrain Vehicles)
SUVs (Sport Utility Vehicles), outboard motors etc. in wilderness areas.
Gave His Life
People who claim a serial killer who went to the middle east to hunt and rape children
gave his life when some parent puts a stop to his crimes. The expression only applies
when you take a severe risk for a noble cause and are killed. That soldier took only minimal risk and his cause
was personal sadistic pleasure. His actions in no way protected the lives of anyone but his fellow war criminals.
Corporations that tell outrageous lies even when they are caught, e.g. FOX and Shaw.
that convince people to buy overpowered, oversized cars and/or to drive dangerously.
They work for destruction of the environment, taking from the poor to give to the rich and
more war. They are all criminally insane.
HTML Syntax Errors
syntax errors so that only Internet Explorer works with them.
I gag when somebody says I am humbled to receive this prestigious
award/appointment. No they aren’t! They are humbled when a 8-year old child
knows more about how to use computer than they do. They are humbled when they can’s persuade an
ATM (Automated Teller Machine) to give them some cash. They are humbled when they can’t figure out how to
fasten their seatbelt. Receiving a prestigious award is the exact opposite. It is a first class ego stroking.
Songs Promoting Gambling
Frank Sinatra singing Luck Be a Lady Tonight is probably my least
- People who confuse hung (possessing a large penis) with hanged (executed by rope).
Barney the Dinosaur
stupefying entertainment for children that insults their intelligence and seeks to
destroy their musical taste. It teaches children, male and female, to behave like airhead valley girls even
before they can walk.
People who call hamburgers sandwiches
People who Lard their Speech with Fillers
such as: and, and stuff, as it will, at the end of the
day, basically, big in size, eh, cruel in nature, honestly,
I mean, if you will, in
nature, like, literally, lot
of, move forward, perfect storm, really, red in colour, step up to the
plate, to be honest, to tell the truth,
yeah, yes, you know,
you know what I mean, you know what I’m saying,
uh, um, very. For example,
Gary Kasparov, the chess master, inserts the phrase you know at least three times
into every sentence. It is so distracting, I have not a clue what he is talking about. All he would have to do is
remove that one phrase from his vocabulary, and he would overnight become coherent.
It bugs me when caller after caller takes time out at the beginning of each call in a radio phone in show to
request after the health of the host, and to volunteer they are fine, even if they
sound at death’s door.
Creationists repeat the same lies over and over.
Deliberate Misuse of Language
Propagandists who apply the terms such as terrorist and
insurgent to those they wish to tar, even when the terms don’t even remotely apply, while refusing
to apply the terms to themselves, even when the definitions fit precisely.
As a child I liked all things Texan, but as an adult, Texas has come to be associated with George
W. Bush, his wars, bigotry toward gays, Muslims and Hispanics, the Tea Party, creationists and
anti-environmentalism. Any time I hear that accent, I cringe.
The Word Devastated
It means wasted or ravaged. It does not mean humiliated, embarrassed,
irritated, or angry.
The Word Hoohah
the battle cry of mindless bullies.
Politicians who say Move Forward
at least once every 15 seconds.
The phrase One Child at a time
This is nonsense since every school, hospital, camp etc. serves
multiple children at once.
People who use the word Challenge
to mean catastrophe.
People who say Simplistic
when they mean simple, synchronicity when they mean
At the End of the Day
People who start every second sentence with at the end of the day.
The phrase Up To
as in guaranteed you will lose up to ten pounds. This weasel phrase
sounds as if it were making a commitment, but it actually promises nothing.
The phrase Fighting a Fish
There is no way a fish on the end of a line can harm the angler. It
should be called tormenting a fish.
People who claim they are 100% certain of something, usually a very
dubious assertion, or that they give 110% effort in some athletic contest, a logical
I could spit that we are still using 19th century combustion engines that waste fuel,
pollute the air and make unnecessary noise. The people who really burn me up are those drive deliberately noisy,
oversized or polluting cars and motorcycles, or who take powered vehicles into wilderness areas. They have the
same fuck-you attitude as cigar smokers who enjoy stinking up entire city blocks just to annoy people. Another in
the class are those that decorate large rocks with chewing gum.
I don’t like fashion because it elevates the unimportant to life-consuming. I don’t
like it because it encourages discarding perfectly good clothes. It is the pinnacle of consume/discard
anti-environmental culture. To me clothes are old friends. I hate it when they die.
If I had my way, clothes would last a lifetime.
with its phony cowboys, phony accents, phony costumes, phony sentiments, phony stories and
monotonously similar melodies.
Makers of computer peripherals that stop working long before the equipment fails
because they don’t update their drivers.
introductions to songs that play the same few notes over and over and over without any variation.
that sells cellphones and cellphone plans that don’t let you make or receive calls. That is a
bit like new selling cars that don’t actually move. You are supposed to just sit in them and press the
that are only ½ full — Verbatim
DVD (Digital Video Disc)
s, cereal, coffee powder, Maple Leaf roasts (only about 1/5 full). Astro yogurt
underfills the containers by 3 cm to try to fool you into thinking you will get more
than you do. They excuse themselves by claiming what they are doing is legal, since they sell by weight. It is
still a deliberate attempt to deceive. Further, it is anti-environmental to use more packaging than necessary.
The Franklin Mint
which is always trying to peddle medallions by tricking their customers into thinking
they are legitimate currency.
I am Humbled
People who claim that winning an award humbled them. Losing
humbles you. Winning is an ego trip.
TV shows about people buying, selling or burying themselves in junk.
Reality TV shows about police who break into black people’s houses and abuse and bully them.
What an idiotic incentive to buy! Why bother paying money only to have some of it refunded? It
just makes you pay more sales tax. For an item like a car, it just makes you borrow more money and pay interest
on it. In small items the cash back is 90% of the time a fraud. No money comes back in
the mail, or comes back 6 months later or they claim the offer expired, or just ignore
the request. Cash back jerks you around making you send a letter with sales slips, proof of purchase etc. etc.
— all manner of hassle and delay. Just lower the damn price!
New Car Dealers
who offer free oil changes for X years, only to discover they
replace your oil with oil that costs 5 times as much as the going rate and forgoing
these free changes invalidates your warranty.
Super market member cards
People willing to give their name, address, phone number etc. get a card that
gives them a discount on certain items. This just slows down lines as customers fish for debit and supermarket
cards. It takes extra processing thus raising the prices. It makes it harder to verify the checkout receipt. Just
lower the damn prices!
Some inconsiderate woman will hold up the supermarket line with a fist full of coupons, each of
which much be individually manually checked for expiry, conditions etc. Coupons increase prices. Just lower the
Some commercials seem cleverly crafted to be maximally annoying such as Swiffer’s that
turn mops into sex objects, Drew Barymore Cover Girl Cosmetic where she gloats, Nice N Easy Hair colour and the
insane woman with fingernails on a blackboard voice, Katy Perry for Proactive, Nationwide Insurance. Commercials
often accurately the depict the utter vacuuousness of modern corporate-controlled life. I also find irritating
those gravelly voices that try to convince young men if they spend sufficiently on a truck no one will notice
what tiny penises they have. I write the companies to no avail. Some commercials tickle me, particularly J.G.
Wentworth, Geiko and sometimes Campbell’s soups.
I react to some voices with primal pain. I just have to get away. Some of them include: Nelly
Furtado, Meredith Warren (pronounced wur-ennnn) and Katy
No Payment for two years
This jacks up the price of the goods for everyone by the interest cost of
borrowing the purchase price without repayments for two years. Nobody needs a loan like that. It is unfair to
people who want to pay cash or pay off the furniture or TV in six months. I won’t buy anything from a store
that offers this silliness.
Ad Hominem Addicts
people who, in debating a point, spend 90% of their time
insulting, attacking and humiliating their opponent. They have no points to defend their stance, so they try to
win by intimidation.
You are not my Mother
People, usually conservative Christians, who imagine they have the right to act as
my parents even though I am 70 years
old by controlling what I should read, what movies I should attend, whom I should have sex with, what religious
beliefs I should subscribe to and what I should wear. Surely I am as qualified as they to make those decisions
Fathers who make their children address them as Sir
Who do they think they are? Sir Paul
McCartney? a drill sergeant? Doing that bullies children into unconditional, unquestioning obedience and
surrender. That sort of treatment conditions children to accept physical and sexual abuse as their natural lot.
It brainwashes them to consider themselves inferior and impotent to have any effect on the world.
Programs that sneakily try to Install unrelated programs
as part of the install.
People who claim they are Lucky
when a natural disaster befalls them, but
they did not die. Or those that thank god when dozens perished but they did not, as if they deserved life but the
others did not.
Politicians who use the word American at least twice in every
Commercials use maddeningly inane music in the background, usually about 5 notes, repeated over and over. Apple is even worse, pounding the same note over and over.
This woman makes my skin crawl. She is spoiled, simpering, conceited, condescending,
shallow, concerned with trivia. She embodies almost all the possible female vices in one body.
People who display their deformed toenails in public, especially when they paint them in garish
colours to draw attention to them.
I can’t believe how bad the tattoos people get for themselves, randomly chosen,
crudely-drawn, randomly placed, meaningless symbols. They make people look brain-damaged.
Best frozen berries are grown in Chile. Belgian chocolate made in Canada. Canadian bacon from Iowa. Souvenirs
of Canada from China.
Least Favourite People
Here are the people I wish most fervently had never been born:
It is astounding how much misery these individuals were able to create with their blind ambition and wilful
- Dick Cheney
- George W. Bush
- Stephen Harper
- The Koch Brothers
- Rush Limbaugh
- Robert Mugabe
- John Boehner
- Rick Santorum
- Rick Perry
- Michele Bachmann
- Glenn Beck
- Adolph Hitler
- King Henry VIII
- Scott Roeder
- Bill Vander Zalm
- Ronald Reagan
- Binyamin Netanyahu
- Donald J. Trump
Fill in the blanks form have set data entry back to prior to the invention of the punch card. The
most infuriating forms complain about some picky mechanically-correctable problem, then erase the whole form or
large parts of it. Some complain and about ( - or space in phone numbers arbitrarily, either they want them on
they don’t. For heaven sake, it takes only a couple of lines of code to remove them. Forms that ask for a
date but give clue to the order of the year, month and day fields. There should be no need for name and address
forms, only hitting a button to send a business card in standard format.
- George Gershwin. I have disliked his music ever since I was a preschooler. He is like some little brat who
loudly shouts the same words (cheap little theme) over and over.
These are not peeves, just things I have no interest in. I find it odd that others find them
- board games
- car racing
- card games
- combustion engines
- country music
- fight scenes in movies with the exception of Asian fighting
- gambling and Las Vegas in general
- monster trucks
- reality TV, especially shows about pawn shops and junk collecting. I also don’t like watching cops
abusing poor black families, especially bursting in on them unannounced with cameras.
- small talk
- spectator sports
- vampires, werewolves and other monsters
- video games
- war history