Don’t Take an Angry Evaluation As Accurate

42 years ago my lover, overnight, changed from affectionate as a puppy to refusing to talk to me ever again. He told me that I was such a horrible person I should never get involved with anyone else again. I thought to myself, He knows me better than anyone so he must be right. I mistakenly believed something impossible had happened and the event required some profound, maybe even supernatural explanation. I still feel wounded by the experience. Intellectually, I feel so frustrated by my own silliness, but my heart refuses to let it go. For example, I continually brace myself, preparing to be abandoned without notice. But at least now I know that is just the way life is. This sort of thing happens to people every day. Lovers meet someone more attractive and they leave suddenly, dumping and exaggerating resentments, partly to help ease their guilt about leaving. I had changed and my lover did not like the new me, including losing 20.41 kg (45 lbs) pounds (from hefty to skinny), my withdrawal from the center stage spotlight of the gay lib movement and untreated manic-depression. He hid his distress from me, until he could hide it no longer. In retrospect, there were signs, but at the time, the ambush seemed to come totally out of the blue.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:69)