God of the Gaps

A few centuries ago, Yahweh was much busier than today. He had to hoist the sun into the sky each day. He had to paint each pixel of the day’s sunrise and sunset for every spot on earth for the delectation of his favourite species, man. He had to bring the rains. He had to blow the winds. He had to count the proportion of homosexuals, and if sufficiently high, cause an earthquake. He had to make the crops grow. He had to turn the leaves to autumnal colours. He had to punish the wicked with lightning strikes, boils and various diseases. He had to strike random people down with premature death and take them away to be his willing slaves.

Today, most Christians give him very little to do. He had to jump-start the universe 13 billion years ago. He had to craft the first bacterium. He had to talk to crazy people in their heads to tell them to sacrifice their or other people ’s kids. He had to dictate bits of the bible to crazy people via voices in their heads. He has to look in his book of who was naughty and nice to decide who to torture for eternity in fire and who to torture for eternity by forcing them to sing his endless praises like a cosmic Chairman Mao. For all practical purposes, Yahweh has retired.

Science claims that a god is not needed to jump-start the universe or to jump-start life, but Christians are proud of their scientific ignorance, and as you might expect, that idea flummoxes them. They imagine the cosmos is constrained to behave just as it does in their back garden.

Take this to its logical conclusion. Christians will eventually admit god has nothing at all to do. The universe functions just fine without a god. So what then? They will claim, granted there is no need for a god, but it has one nonetheless (we Christians are privileged know by secret magic means), but he is hiding, like some cosmic mole rat, making sure he leaves absolutely no traces of his existence.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:69)