A Guide For the Naïve Homosexual
page 8
Entering the Club


Entering the Club

On the form you will be asked to write your name and the names and addresses of two references. Have 3 fake names and addresses ready. You will be asked to write your measurement. Have a fake number between 0 and infinity ready and you can take this opportunity to do a little boasting even if it isn’t justified. Sign your membership card with your fake name — If you lose it you do not want it returned. This card allows you to come here again for only $2.00 on weekends and 75¢ on week nights. Keep your yellow stub (the writing is almost invisible, but that is because the lighting is red) as it-is used for reclaiming your jacket when you leave.

In recent months the references and the membership card have been dispensed with. You still have to pay an extra 50¢ the first time however.

Now take a good look around the dark smoke-filled room (boy that sounds ominous). All along the right hand side of the room is a red and white striped canopy. Under the canopy is a long black bar. All along the bar are high round stools. All around the edges of the room are 3-foot-diameter tables covered with red tablecloths. In the middle of each table is a net-covered red glass container. In the middle of each container is a real burning candle. Some of the tables have red and white striped umbrellas sprouting out of them. Along the left wall is a huge mirror made up of squares of glass. In the centre of the room is a clear area paved with fluorescing linoleum tiles. Above this are red fluorescent tubes and also tubes with no phosphors on them. These tubes give out a deep purple light that is quite faint. They also give out a lot of ultraviolet radiation ie. Black light. You will notice that your white turtleneck is glowing fiercely with a blue-purple cast. If the thought of glowing like a Christmas tree upsets you, then wear something nonwhite.

In various places around the room are crude plaster copies of famous statues (Hercules and Michelangelo’s David). In the far left corner of the clear area paved with linoleum tiles is a plump juke box that controls green, blue and red lights that pulse in time to 3 frequency ranges of music. Loud CKLG-type [a pop music radio station in Vancouver] music belts from its 10 speakers placed strategically around the room.

In summary the place is not much to look at.

( We have purposely arrived early so that there are only about 5 other people in the club. This is done to ease your trauma. As the evening progresses up to 100 people will arrive. The club closes at 4:00 A.M. But very few people stay that late. About 230 show up on a Saturday night and about 75 on a week night.

You will wander about in a daze a stranger in paradise. you can be sure every boy here is gay or at least expects you to expect he is. Look around and enjoy the feeling of profound shock. All of the people. Here look perfectly normal!! the boys here are mostly in their twenties, but there are some older and some younger people. When I first came here I wandered about in this shock for two hours. Some of the boys are indescribably handsome — the kind after which girls would crawl over miles of broken glass. They are not the fairies spoofed on T.V.

What are these 100 people doing in this dark smoke-filled room? nothing too terribly evil. Since the room is smoke — filled you might deduce that a goodly number of them are smoking. This is correct. There is a bar behind which two devilishly handsome boys run back and forth fetching bottles of liquor that belong to the customers and selling mixer, soft drinks and coffee for 25¢. So obviously people must be drinking.

Many people need to have a drink before they can feel sociable. I don’t think it is the effect of the liquor so much as the psychological effect of equating socializing with having a glass in your hand. If yes are one of these people, bring some bottled beer. Give it to the boy behind the bar and he will give you 1 beer ticket for each bottle you brought. At any time during the evening when thirst assails you, present him with a ticket and he will give you a bottle (not usually yours — this way you can try out all the different brands). If you do not like beer, bring a bottle of the hard stuff labeled in huge letters (with your name, of course, — not hard stuff). He will label it for you if you forgot. Give it to the boy behind the bar, and when you want a drink, ask him to retrieve it for you.

There are tables with candles in net-covered red glass containers so obviously people must be sitting around talking. In fact while you were walking around in your reverie (a very common mode of transportation (sometimes called a transport of delight) for the new gay), the group assembled at 3 tables pushed together. Music starts belting from the juke box and pairs from the group head out onto the luminous dance floor and commence dancing.


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