I Married a Female Soldier

Here is an email I received in response to one of my essays.

I Married a Female Soldier : Gert Vyaersi : gertheart@gmail.com : 2010-06-06

Hello my name is Gert,

I wish I had read your article before I got married.

I’m actually a guy who married an E5 Staff Sergeant in the Air Force, when married she wanted me to quit my job at a bad time, when jobs were hard to get, for a young 23 year old brat I was making 60,000 a year, but my wife was afraid to move alone to her new station which she was only going to be there for 9 months. I suggested many times it would be a bad idea and for her not to expect me to just quit my career job in WA and try to get a new one in Biloxi, MS for 9 months, it would just look terrible on my resume and I would have no idea when such work would open up anyway.

I ended up crumbling to her needs, put in my notice at work quit in March and moved down to be with her, I had sacrificed my job at this point at while I was still working I was running errands for her even though she had taken time off. I started to feel used already, the moment I was with her in our oklahoma home, she wanted me to leave my bed behind for the renters. The bed meant a lot to me because it was my first big purchase and I had only bought it about a year ago for around $1,000, Needless to say I left it behind. While when I asked her to leave something behind, she refused, We had 3 dvd burners and she wanted to take one of the first behemoth dvd burners with us still. The car was already jam packed full and not to mention I have given up so much already to her defense she stated "It’s not the same." my sacrifices aren’t equal to hers.

Also at this time even though before marriage we had already spoken about what is to be expected out of each other, suddenly she laid down some new ground rules. First I don’t trust anything you have to say. I felt offended at first until she stated she wanted a professional opinion, we got 3 councilors, all stated to her she may have control issues, she quit seeing all three, she had also attempted to scam the military and lied to them even, I tried to stop her the first time but she didn’t care and went ahead and attempted it, failed twice and by the third time, I just couldn’t take it anymore and called her on it and forced her not to do such a bad act.

Now we are going through a divorce, she kicked me out of the house said I beat her, when she had been hitting me through the entire relationship, anyone I have known and she has known has taken her side, her first sergeants who should be middle men have said to me comments like I think you are trying to pull the wool over our eyes. The only luck I’ve had is going through the councilors who have seen my wives behavior, the first sergeants begin to be more humble when they get involved, but once they are out of the picture again, the first sergeants go towards my wifes side, I am currently jobless trying to make a living, kicked out, sleeping on the floor, was homeless at first and lost the job that I got here in Tucson, due to my wife schedulings of court dates during training, I requested my wife to schedule dates after training so I’d have PTO, she was also advised by her first sergeant to take all the money and cancel everything in both of our names. Apparently I found out this is a normal act that first sergeants will tell their personnel in order to protect themselves.

My wifes personality itself was she would give me orders, act like a good wife in public, but behind doors she would tell me the real truths. She received an award and thanked me for helping and supporting her, I had helped her study her homework, but when we were alone and I thanked her for it, she said I only said it because everyone else was thanking their spouses. Having taken on the chores and becoming the House Husband was not my preference before we were married I was going to attend college, after we got married my wife suggested to me that it is a bad idea and I don’t need college, which I had all this planned out regardless, now that we are getting a divorce I am struggling to get my life back on track and am signing up for college like I had planned to do before I met her.

I do apologize for writing so much, it just seems that I felt a lot you had said and have experienced some of it myself.

When I wrote my essay on why it is unwise to marry a soldier, I was thinking only of women marrying male soldiers, but your experience has shown it applies almost as well to men marrying female soldiers. People who are into ordering others about, tend get involved with the military. From the little you have told me, I would think you would have had a hell of a time, even if your wife had not been in the military. She is someone who suffers from the Entitlement Lifetrap. All I can say is there are plenty of women out there who are nothing at all like your wife and if you are patient and don’t do your selecting purely with your penis, you will find one and life will be so much mellower than you could possibly imagine now.

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