The Runaway Masturbation Terror Argument for God

Young Christian males are most susceptible to this folly. The young Christian says to himself: I have to stop myself from masturbating ever. [I have never tried it of course, it just happened, oh dear mea culpa, Hail Mary. Let me run to the bathroom to replace the scouring pad in the crack of my bum I use to control myself.] If did it even once, I would not be able to stop. I would run out into the street, screwing every creature with a pulse. Further, I would kill, or at least bash to a pulp, scores of people that I just cannot stand that I have been pretending to love and respect as fellow brothers in Jesus. The only thing that protects me from running amok is my terror of Yahweh who is going to torture me forever if I fail [I love Jesus so much.]

This poor boy fails to notice that people who have a more relaxed attitude, who have not been infected with The God Virus: How religion infects our lives and culture, do not rape everything and everyone in sight. Other people actually find time to read books and write essays and do the housecleaning because they are not so obsessed with not masturbating. But our young Christian imagines he is unique, a terrible evil person barely held in check by only the most dire threats. The goof also imagines everyone else is similarly torturing themselves and are just preparing to blow. The proof other people are similarly obsessed is all their talk of atheism and rationality. They are just about to abandon all restraint and go berserk. Stand back.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:70)