Sci Fi Dream

This is an embellished dream.

It all started one day with a mass breakout from multiple American prisons. 666 of the worst, most sadistic criminals escaped all on one night with everyone in lockdown. How they escaped was completely baffling. The only clue was all of them left their clothes and shoes behind.

The following day Dick Cheney mysteriously disappeared while in his washroom taking a dump. He left behind his clothes and shoes and an unflushed toilet.

The next day, the same thing happened to Donald Rumsfeld.

Alberto Gonzales noticed the pattern that Bush cabinet members were being disappeared when they went into a bathroom. He became terrified of going into bathrooms, and took to eliminating outside in his garden. He had an elaborate video surveillance system installed in his house with 24 hour computer and human monitoring. He started using his bathroom again. Soon after, he disappeared just like the others. The surveillance footage showed him there in one frame, and gone the next, leaving behind only his clothes and shoes.

At first, the government kept these disappearances quiet. They did not like having to admit having no clue what was going on. Rumours started that this was the first stages of the Christian rapture. Others pointed out that could not be true. The people disappearing were the bad guys. Others said that God was creating heaven on earth by removing the bastards. Others said it was aliens from another planet responsible. Others said it was Obama. Obama announced it could not be him since it would be another decade or two before such a weapon was ready for deployment.

The carnage continued, wiping out the Republicans in the Senate and the house.

Then Charles and David Koch and Roger Adelson disappeared, but they did not disappear cleanly. It was though a giant laser-powered boiled egg slicer had sliced them into thin slices. Only every second slice disappeared.

Then the televangelists and professional creationists started disappearing. This was really weird. I was as though space itself had been twisted like a dishrag, selecting only bits of them to disappear.

People were panicking. When was this process going to stop? Would it eventually take everyone? Demonstrations demanded the disappearances be stopped. People started taking desperate measures to placate whatever was doing this. They slit the throats of their first born thinking the agent might be Yahweh. They burned piles of money in altars. They gave large amounts money to faith healers to gave them protection spells. Some tortured small mammals and sat long hours on toilets hoping to be whisked away to heaven. Oddly, it never occurred to try random acts of kindness.

Then dictators started to go. The process, up to now, was completely silent. This time there was a giant sucking sound for every dictator that could be heard all over the planet. It was not like a normal sound. It seemed to be sourced everywhere.

There was a universal sound like popcorn as every soldier who had ever killed, tortured or wounded (or so ordered) anyone in a non-defensive war left the planet.

There was a long slow hiss as all those whose had ever killed or beat anyone for refusing to follow their religious rules, bowed out.

With these bastards gone, the remainder were less careless about their actions. Humanity started to tackle climate change. It started cleaning up the planet. It started putting less and less pressure on the environment. It made sure all humanity had the basics for life.

~ Roedy (1948-02-04 age:69)